1. Alien beings from a highly advanced society visit the Earth, and you are the first human they encounter. As a token of intergalactic friendship, they present you with a small but incredibly sophisticated device that is capable of curing all disease, providing an infinite supply of clean energy, wiping out hunger and poverty, and permanently eliminating oppression and violence all over the entire Earth.
You decide to:

a. Present it to the Prime Minister.
b. Present it to the Secretary General of the United Nations.
c. Take it apart.


2. As you grow older, what is it about your lost youth that you miss the most?

a. Innocence.
b. Idealism.
c. Those little fart machines made out of cardboard, metal washers & elastic bands.


3. When is it okay to kiss another male?

a. When you wish to display simple and pure affection without regard for narrow-minded social conventions.
b. When he is the Pope. (Not on the lips.)
c. When he is your brother and you are Al Pacino and this is the only really sportsmanlike way to let him know that, for business reasons, you have to have him killed.


4. In your opinion, the ideal pet is:

a. A cat.
b. A dog.
c. A dog that eats cats.


5. You have been seeing a woman for several years. One leisurely Sunday afternoon the two of you are taking it easy - you're watching a football game; she's reading the papers - when suddenly, out of the clear blue sky, she tells you that she thinks she really loves you, but she can no longer bear the uncertainty of not knowing where your relationship is going. She says she's not asking whether you want to get married; only whether you believe that you have some kind of future together. What do you say?

a. That you sincerely believe the two of you do have a future, but you don't want to rush it.
b. That although you also have strong feelings for her, you cannot honestly say that you'll be ready anytime soon to make a lasting commitment and you don't want to hurt her by holding out false hope.
c. That you cannot believe Mick Malthouse burst into tears at the end of the Grand Final.

6. Okay, so you have decided that you truly love a woman and you want to spend the rest of your life with her. How do you tell her?

a. You take her to a nice restaurant and tell her after dinner.
b. You take her for a walk on a moonlit beach, and you say her name, and when she turns to you, with the sea breeze blowing her hair and the stars in her eyes, you tell her.
c. Tell her what?


7. One weekday morning your wife wakes up feeling ill and asks you to get your three children ready for school.
Your first question to her is:

a. "Do they need to eat or anything?"
b. "They're in school already?"
c. "There are three of them?"


8. What, in your opinion, is the most reasonable explanation for the fact that Moses led the Israelites all over the place for forty years before they finally got to the Promised Land?

a. He was being tested.
b. He wanted them to really appreciate the Promised Land when they finally got there.
c. He refused to ask directions.


9. What is the human race's single greatest achievement?

a. Democracy.
b. Religion.
c. Beer.


Give yourself points for each answer as follows

a = 1, b = 2, c = 3.


Ratings

24 – 27 points: Maaate!
15 – 23 points: You need to take a long hard look at yourself, son!
9 – 14 points: Poofter!