EuroEnglish


The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been
reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European
communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of negotiations, her Majesty's Government conceded that English
spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased
plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short).

In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c". Sertainly,
sivil servants will reseive this news with joy. Also, the hard "c" will be
replased with "k". Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters
kan have
one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the
troublesome "ph" will be replased by "f". This will make words like
"fotograf" 20 per sent shorter. In the third year, publik akseptanse
of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more
komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters, which have always
been a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes
of silent "e"s in the languag is disgrasful, and they would go. By the
fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" by "z"
and "w" by "v".

During ze fifz year ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining
"ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of
leters.

After zis fifz year, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be
no mor trobls or difikultis and evrivum vil find it ezi tu understand ech
ozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru.