A very old ( about 90 year old ) sailor decided to have one last fling, and took himself off to the local brothel.
After about 5 minutes on the bed with his new found female friend, he said to her "How am I doing ?"
To which she replied " About 3 knots sweetheart"
"3 Knots? What do you mean?"

"Well, you're not hard, you're not in, and you're not getting your money back"

mick