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Thread: Children
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21st September 2002, 09:01 PM #1
Senior Member
- Join Date
- Mar 2000
- Location
- Melbourne, Victoria
- Posts
- 7
Children
I thought these were lovely, so I thought I would share them with you all.
Hope your like them
Gino
A CHILD'S PERCEPTION
A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found cat. She asked him if it was dead or alive. "Dead." She was informed. "How do you know?" she asked her pupil.
"Because I in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently.
"You did WHAT?!?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise. "You know," explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move."
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A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later...."Da-ad...."
"What? "I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?" "No. You had your chance.
Lights out." Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....." "WHAT?" "I'm THIRSTY.
Can I have a drink of water??" "I told you NO!" If you ask again, I'll have to spank
you!!" Five minutes later......"Daaaa-aaaad....." "WHAT!" "When you come in to
spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"
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An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him, "How do you expect to get into Heaven?" The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St.Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'"
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One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son
into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his
voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?" The mother smiled and gave him a
reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room."
A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: "The big sissy."
______________________________________________________
It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's sermon.
All the children were invited to come forward. One little girl was wearing a
particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?" The little girl replied, directly
into the pastor's clip-on microphone, "Yes, and my Mom says it's a bitch to iron."
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When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower. She said,"Mommy, you are getting
fat!" I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy" "I know,"she replied, but what's growing in your butt?"
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A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine...."
His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?"
The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math
homework, Mom." "And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother
asked. "Yes," he answered. Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you teaching my son in math?" The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition." The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?" After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four,"
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One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her
class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the
farmer. She read, "... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said,
"The sky is falling, the sky is falling!" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?" One little boy raised his hand
and said, "I think he said: 'Holy ! A talking chicken!'" The teacher was
unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
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Should kids witness a birth? A true story:
It was late at night and Heidi, who was expecting her second child was home alone with her 3-year old daughter Katelyn. When Heidi started going into labour, she called "911." Due to a power outage at the time, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house was very, very dark, so the paramedic asked Katelyn to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could see while
he helped deliver the baby. Very diligently, Katelyn did as she was asked. Heidi pushed
and pushed, and after a little while Connor was born. The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom. Connor began to cry. The paramedic then thanked Katelyn for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-year old what she thought about what she had just witnessed. Katelyn quickly
responded, "He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place. Smack him again!"
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22nd September 2002, 09:32 PM #2
9 months fightin' to get out....the rest of your life spent fightin to get back
Johnno
Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.
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22nd September 2002, 11:37 PM #3
SENIOR MEMBER
- Join Date
- Aug 2002
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- Lakehaven, NSW, Australia
- Age
- 57
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- 31
You should hear my 2 year old daughter trying to pronounce 'clock'. I think you can guess what it sounds like
The Australian Woodworkers Database - over 3,500 Aussie Woods listed: http://www.aussiewoods.info/
My Site: http://www.aussiewoods.info/darryl/
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20th February 2006, 09:45 PM #4
I got a laugh out of this old post so I thought I would give it a bump up.
Cheers IanSome People are like slinky's,
They serve no purpose at all,
but they put a smile on your face when you throw them down the stairs.
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20th February 2006, 11:37 PM #5
Banned
- Join Date
- May 2005
- Location
- Burnett Heads, QLD
- Age
- 65
- Posts
- 305
Originally Posted by DarrylF
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21st February 2006, 12:19 AM #6
Thanks Ian, had a giggle.
Cheers...............Sean
The beatings will continue until morale improves.
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21st February 2006, 10:01 AM #7
Reminds me of a thing that happened to me uncle when he was young.
My grandfather was a builder (see this IS woodwork related) and when my uncle was a child he would sometimes go out on the site and hang around with the labourers. He saw these people as grown ups and thus should be emulated...
Then one day my grandmother went into his school (which I am afraid to say was extremely posh) to have an interview with the headmaster. Being polite, my uncle and grandmother if they wanted a cup of tea. They both accepted and my uncle wanting to impress tried to recall what was said by grown ups when they had tea. So he said in a strong and proud voice, "BUGGER, this is a bloody awful cuppa tea."
I don't think Grandma ever forgave him!
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21st February 2006, 09:05 PM #8
I want to know what ever happened to Gino. :confused:
Cliff.
If you find a post of mine that is missing a pic that you'd like to see, let me know & I'll see if I can find a copy.
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21st February 2006, 10:44 PM #9
I still share an e-mail joke or two with Gino,I'm not too sure whether his priorities have directed him in other avenues & therefore taking up a lot of his time.
CheersJohnno
Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.
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21st February 2006, 11:39 PM #10
I often wonder what happened there, he hasn't posted for almost 2 years & he didn't say anything, just disappeared.
Cliff.
If you find a post of mine that is missing a pic that you'd like to see, let me know & I'll see if I can find a copy.