Here Tis!

[John Saxton]

1.A bloke went to the doctor to get his sick note signed.The doctor reached into his breast pocket and pulled out a rectal thermometer."Damn!"he exclaimed,"some bums walked off with my pen again."

2.Did you hear about the girl who swallowed a razor blade?It not only gave her a tonsillectomy,an appendectomy and a hysterectomy,it circumcised her husband,gave the Bishop a hare lip,took two fingers off the hand of a casual acquaintance and it still had five good shaves left in it.

3.Neurotics build castles in the air.
Psychotics live in them.
Psychiatrists collect the rent.

4.Two psychiatrists pass in the corridor,"Good morning," said the first.The second walked on wondering,"I wonder what he meant by that."

5.In an anatomy class, a young woman is called upon to name the three most important parts of the male body."First,"she stammered,"there is the brain.Second,she continued,"there is the heart.The third thing...the third thing..."I,ve had it on my fingertips...I've had it on the tip of my tongue...I've had it drilled into me a thousand times...but I just can't remember it."

6.After the first night in a honeymoon hotel the husband went downstairs to the restaurant to order breakfast.
"Egg,bacon and sausages for me,and lettuce for my wife,"he told the waiter.
"Isn't that a rather unusual breakfast choice,sir.?"said the waiter.
"Yes,"replied the husband,"but I want to see if she eats like a rabbit as well."

[Iain]

3&4 are a bit dubious....