"JUST HOLD ME"

[ken yates]

Just Hold Me."

I never have quite figured out why the sexual urges of men & women differ so much.
And I never have figured out the whole Mars & Venus thing. And, I never have figured
out why men think with their head and women with their heart. And, I never yet have
figured out how the sexual desire gene gets thrown into a state of turmoil, when it hears
the words "I do".

One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to
heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." I said,
"WHAT??" So she says the words that I and every husband on the planet dreads. She
explains that I must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a Woman. I'm thinking,
"What was her first clue?" I finally realized that nothing is going to happen that night,
so I went to bed.

The very next day we went shopping at a big unnamed department store... I walked
around while she tried on three very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one
to take, so I told her to take all three of them. She then tells me that she wants matching
shoes worth $200 each to which I say OK. And then we go to the Jewelry Dept. where
she gets a set of diamond earrings. Let me tell you ...she was so excited. She must have
thought that I was one wave short of a shipwreck, but I don't think she cared. I think she
was testing me when she asked for a tennis bracelet because he doesn't even play tennis.
I think I threw her for a loop when I told her that it was OK. She was almost sexually
excited from all of this and you should have seen her face when she said, "I'm ready to
go, let's go to the cash register."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No, honey. I don't feel like buying
all this stuff now." You should have seen her face .... it went completely blank. I then
said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while." And just when
she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "You must not be in tune
with my financial needs as a Man."

I figure that I should be having sex again sometime during the spring thaw.

[John Saxton]

Ahh the ol' Visa card trick I know it well!

[Jeff]

Thank you oh thank you thank you thank you! Now I can go back to the pub. The only thing better than this story will be choosing the right moment to ubleash it.

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"Always cutting corners...!"