2006 Darwin Awards

[Gra]

2006 DARWIN AWARDS


In case you haven't received them yet, here are this year's Darwin Awards
the annual honor given to the person who improved the "gene pool" the most
by killing themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way. As always,
competition this year has been keen. And the candidates this year
are.............

IN Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water
after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve
his car keys.

A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned when he
ran,"--accidentally jogged off a 100-foot-high cliff on his daily run.


Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he had dug into
the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beach-goers said Daniel Jones, 21,
dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind, and had been sitting in
a beach chair at the bottom Thursday afternoon when it collapsed, burying
him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach on the outer banks, used
their hands and shovels, trying to claw their way to Jones, a resident of
Woodbridge, VA, but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy
equipment almost an hour to free him while about 200 people looked on.
Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.


Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, CA, as he fell face-first
through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused
when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth (to keep his hands
free) rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.


Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in Selbyville, Del, as he won a bet
with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets
into his mouth and pull the trigger.

HONORABLE MENTION:
Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover township, NJ, and his wife
Bonnie was also injured, when a quarter-stick of dynamite blew up in their
car. While driving around 2 AM, the bored couple lit the dynamite and tried
to toss it out the window to see what would happen, but apparently failed
to notice the window was closed.

RUNNER UP:
TACOMA, WA Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of
them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from the Tacoma Narrows
Bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at
least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon
arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had
brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and
pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay nearby. One end of the cable
was secured around Bingham's leg and the other end was tied to the bridge.
His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at
the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy river water and
was rescued by two nearby fishermen. "All I can say" said Bingham, "is that
God was watching out for me on that night. There's just no other
explanation for it." Bingham's foot was never located.

AND THE WINNER:
Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt (Paderborn, Germany) fed his
constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a
bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally
let it fly, and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of poop!
Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the
ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on him.
The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr
Riesfeldt to the ground, where he struck his head on a rock and lay
unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top of him"
said flabbergasted Paderborn police detective Erik Dern. 'With no one there
to help him, he lay under all that dung for at least an hour before a
watchman came along, and during that time he suffocated. It seems to be
just one of those freak accidents that proves that "S**t happens!"

[ozwinner]

I thought you had to die to get a mention in the Darwin Awards??

Al :confused:

[Gra]

So did I, probably just a collection of oddities someone pulled from the internet. I got it as an email

[craigb]

AND THE WINNER:
Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt (Paderborn, Germany) fed his
constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a
bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally
let it fly, and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of poop!
Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the
ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on him.
The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr
Riesfeldt to the ground, where he struck his head on a rock and lay
unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top of him"
said flabbergasted Paderborn police detective Erik Dern. 'With no one there
to help him, he lay under all that dung for at least an hour before a
watchman came along, and during that time he suffocated. It seems to be
just one of those freak accidents that proves that "S**t happens!"

I first saw that one about the supposed winner AT LEAST six years ago.

Are they from the official Darwin Awards site?

http://www.darwinawards.com/

[javali]

I thought you had to die to get a mention in the Darwin Awards??

You have to. Honorable mentions and Runner ups are for those who failed.

[Daddles]

You have to. Honorable mentions and Runner ups are for those who failed.

Theoretically, all you have to do is remove yourself from the gene pool. A few years back, a twit rendered himself knackerless before he'd fathered children, hence removing himself from the gene pool. That was from the Darwin Awards site and he was granted an award, the only living person to receive one.

Richard

Of course, I could go back to the site and look this one up but hey, it's midnight, I'm stuffed and in 8 hours, my son will be opening the bowling for his cricket team ... with me watching

[Schtoo]

Gra, sent you a greenie because in a roundabout way I found out who and what Mythbusters are and happily spent 2 hours watching all the things I could find.

Freakin great stuff. Thank you.

[Iain]

I liked the one involving Afghanistan young men (or round that way somewhere) who got hold of a service pistol and decided to have a game of Russian Roulette, who's going first

[Ashore]

Theoretically, all you have to do is remove yourself from the gene pool. A few years back, a twit rendered himself knackerless before he'd fathered children, hence removing himself from the gene pool. That was from the Darwin Awards site and he was granted an award, the only living person to receive one.

This the one you meant richard

"For being named Lantern, he sure wasn't very bright."

(7 May 2002, Wisconsin) Lantern, 30, enjoyed playing a private game with his wife. He would pull down his pants, place the barrel of a shotgun against his scrotum, and tell her to pull the trigger. They had played this game frequently, to his immense pleasure. The gun was unloaded, of course.
On this pleasant Friday, he was excited to try again. The thrill was even larger because his wife's girlfriend was pulling into the driveway at the time. "Shoot 'em off before she gets here!" Lantern told his wife. She pulled the trigger. But this time, the gun was loaded.
Emergency crews arrived to find Lantern bleeding profusely from his groin, wearing shoes and socks, with his pants down around his ankles. The police were told it was an accident, and the couple didn't know the gun was loaded. Lantern was admitted to the hospital in critical condition, where he survived to earning thet indisputible right to the rarest of honors: the Living Darwin Award.

DarwinAwards.com © 1994 - 2006
Submitted by: C McKinley, Stein Berger
Reference: Green Bay Press Gazette

Rgds

[Daddles]

I reckon the one predated this because in the wrap up, they said he was the first recipient of a Darwin award to survive, then pointed out it was because he removed himself from the gene pool.

As for this turkey ...

Richard