After hearing that one of the patients in a mental hospital had saved another from a suicide attempt by pulling him out of a bathtub, the director reveiwed the recuer's file and called him into his office."Mr James, your records and your heroic behaviour indicate that you are ready to go home." he said. "I'm only sorry that the man you saved later killed himself with a rope around the neck."
"Oh he didn't kill himself," Mr James replied."I hung him up to dry."

And...

A barefoot girl bought her baby boy to the doctor and told him."Doc,my little Paddy just cries and cries all the time.What do you think the problem is?"
Taking the baby from her, the doctor noticed a strong odour,whereupon he looked into Paddy's nappy."Why, Mary!" he exclaimed.
"The problem is that there is at least 16pounds of yellow s..t in your sons drawers!"
"Naw,that can't be it,"the girl replied."On the box it said"Good for babies up to 18pounds."So he's got two more to go."

And...

The tradition of putting an Angel on the top of a Christmas tree has an interesting origin,according to researchers.
It seems that Santa Claus had the Flu,his wife hadn't given him any for a week,Donner and Blitzen had an argument and weren't pulling together,and the elves were on strike
and refused to fix a runner on the sleigh.
Then,on top of that,Santa learned that Mrs Claus mother was coming to visit them.
There was a knock on the door.When the old gent opened it he sawe a little Angel standing outside."Hi Santa" piped the visitor cheerfully.I've brought your Christmas tree ,COD.
"Where should I put it?"
Cheers


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Johnno