"At the Cloning / Genetic Engineer's Conference in London, leading researchers were in the bar over a few ales reminiscing over their great scientific feats. The first, an Australian researcher explained, "We had a chap caught in a printing press at a factory last year and all that was left of him was his little finger. Our team of surgeons constructed a new hand and built a new arm, engineered a new body and ultimately, when he
returned to the workforce he was so efficient he put 15 men out of work."
"That's nothing," added the American researcher. "We had a worker trapped inside a nuclear reactor and all that was left of him was his hair. We constructed a new skull, a new torso and new limbs and returned him to the workforce. He was so efficient, he put 60 men out of work."
The Zimbabwean researcher was not to be outdone. "I was walking down Moffat Street when I got the smell of a fart. So I took it back to the lab in a garbage bag, let it loose on the table and we got to work on it. First,we wrapped an around it, built a bum around that, attached a body to one end and legs to the other. Gradually it turned into Robert Mugabe and the whole country went out of work."

A Voice From The Pearly Gates.
A Jewish father was concerned that his son who was about a year away from his Bar Mitzvah but was sorely lacking in knowledge of his Jewish faith.
To remedy this he sent his son to Israel to experience his heritage. A year later, the young man returned home.
"Father, thank you for sending me to the land of our fathers," the son
said.
"It was wonderful and enlightening. However, I must confess that while in Israel I embraced Christianity." "Oi vey," replied the father, "what have I done?" So, in the tradition of the patriarchs he went to his best friend and sought advice and solace.
"It is amazing you should come to me," stated his friend. "I, too, sent my son to Israel and he returned a Christian." So in the tradition of the patriarchs they went to the Rabbi. "It is amazing that you should come to me," stated the rabbi. "I, too, sent my son to Israel and he returned a Christian. What is happening to our sons? "Brothers, we must take this to GOD." They all fell to their knees and began to wail and pour out their hearts to the Almighty. As they prayed the clouds above opened and a mighty voice stated, "Amazing that you should come to me said GOD. I, too, sent my Son to Israel..."