Priorities

[woodhutt]

A chap is castaway on a desert island.
For three years he exists on a diet of coconut and shellfish.
One morning he is sitting on the beach when he's startled by an apparition of a young woman wearing a wet suit rising out of the sea and slinking up the beach towards him (think Ursula Andress in Dr No).
She kneels in front of him and asks what he's doing there.
"I was shipwrecked,"he explains. "i've been here on my own for three years."
'Goodness me," says the girl. "Three years! I bet in all that time you've not had a cigarette."
"No," says the bloke. "And I'm seriously thinking of quitting."
The young woman slowly unzips a pocket in her wet suit and produces a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. She lights one and places it between his lips then asks him when he last had a drink.
"About three years ago," he replied.
She reached up and undid a zip on the other side of her wet suit and took out a miniature bottle of cognac, unscrewed the top and handed it to him.
While he was luxuriating in the cigarette and cognac, she looked deep into his eyes and slowly began to unzip the front of her wet suit. 'And how long is it since you played around?" she whispered.
"Good grief!" he exclaimed. "You haven't got a set of golf clubs in there as well!"
Pete

[rwbuild]

Obviously a lack of oysters on that island

[AlexS]

Obviously a lack of oysters on that island

It's not true what they say about oysters being an aphrodisiac, I had a dozen last night and only nine of them worked.

[woodhutt]

Bob and Dave were just about to tee-off when a funeral cortege drove past.
Bob put down his club and removed his cap until the hearse had passed by.
"I never took you for a religious bloke," says Dave.
"I'm not," says Bob. "Just a bit of respect. After all, we'd been married for forty years."