Control tower

[KBs PensNmore]

Tower received a call from a crew asking, "What time is it please?"
Tower responded, "Who is calling?"
The crew replied, "What difference does it make?"
Tower replied "It makes a lot of difference.
If it is an American Airlines flight, it is 3 o'clock.
If it is an Air Force plane, it is 1500 hours.
If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells.
If it is an Army aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 3.
If it is a Marine Corps aircraft, it's Thursday afternoon and 120 minutes to "Happy Hour".

[rrich]

I worked with a guy that dropped out of college after his junior year to join the Marines. He told it this way

As part of the enlistment process he was required to take a general intelligence test. He reported to take the test with enlistees for all the services. Before the test starts, the proctor makes a statement:
"If you are enlisting in the Air Force you must score 90% on this test.
If you are enlisting in the Navy you must score 85% on this test.
If you are enlisting in the Army you must score 80% on this test.
If you are enlisting in the Coast Guard you must score 80% on this test.
If you are enlisting in the Marines you can not fail this test."

[GeoffW1]

Said to be a true story:

A Lufthansa pilot on approach to Tempelhof Airport (before 2008) called up the control tower and spoke in German.

"Speak English please" replied the tower, "transmissions must be in English"

"I'm a German pilot flying a German airline landing at a German airport", railed the pilot, "why must I speak bloody English?"

An unidentified but very British voice broke in, "Because you lost the bloody war!"

Cheers

[doug3030]

Said to be a true story:

And another:

The German controllers at Frankfurt Airport were often short-tempered. They not only expected you to know your parking location but how to get there without any assistance from them.
So it was with some amusement that we (PanAm 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground and a British Airways 747 (radio call Speedbird 206) after landing. Speedbird 206:

"Good morning Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of the active."

Ground: "Guten morgan, taxi to your gate."

The British Airways 747 pulls onto the main taxiway and stops.

Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"

Speedbird 206: "Stand by, ground, I'm looking up the gate location now."

Ground (with typical German impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you never flown to Frankfurt before?"

Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, in 1944. But I didn't stop."