Bald jokes please....

[Christopha]

Submit BALD jokes here:

When Kojak was big in the '70s it was all the rage to have your head shaved, This barber in Hollywood was doing a roaring trade and one bloke after another was going in for the shaved look. It was referred to as the "telly cut" after the Kojak star Telly Sevalas.
One day an African American was standing outside the barbers and noticed white guys going in and coming out bald, he thought this is a good look so he went in took a seat and waited. Three white guys before him went through and each paid their $5. Then the African American took the seat and was shaved clean. Admiring his new look in the mirror and proceeded to hand over his $5. The Barber looked at the note and said "sorry your Telly cut is $8. The African American looked wide eyed and said "is you some kind of racist? why is you only charge them white dudes $5?"
To which the Barber replied "No I'm not a racist, everyone knows it cost more for a colour Telly"

[Cliff Rogers]

Your part keeps getting wider...and wider.
Eh, ........ HELLO! YOUR HAIR IS FALLING OUT!!!!!!!!
"I'm not bald, it's the top of my head getting bigger!!!!!"
Boss says "lets send one of the younger guys on the recruiting trip this year"
Can't conceal the horns anymore...
I think we just found out why the Keepers have hoods!
It's been years since anyone asked, "Have you changed your hair?"
People start calling you "Mr.Clean".
The barber starts charging you less for hair-cuts
The sun seems to be getting hotter
When David Letterman starts making bald jokes about YOU
You develop a habit of sucking on lollipops and saying "Who loves ya', baby"
You get more coupons for Rogaine than you get America On-Line disks.
You have no hair
You no longer have a dandruff problem
You refer to it as a "Haircut with a hole in it".
you start putting suntan oil on your scalp
You're still using the same bottle of shampoo after two years...
Your forhead seems to be growing
Hairs keep falling into your breakfast every morning
Handcream cures dandruff..
It's not a bald spot, it's a solar energy panel for a sex machine!
Less Hair
No one asks to borrow a comb anymore.
People keep referring to you as "Captain Picard"
People mistaking you for *any* NBA star.
People put shades on when talking to you in a well lit room.
Tired housewives expect you to leave their kitchens sparkling clean and ask where that cute gold earring went.
When people can see your thoughts
When you can wear a toilet plunger as a hat.
You actually wear that "solar panel for a sex machine" t-shirt
You find yourself a faster runner do to better aerodynamics.
You find yourself going to the barbershop for contributions
You start trying on hats
You stop finding hair in the sink
You think William Shatner's hair piece looks pretty good.
You wear a T-Shirt that says - The more hair I lose, the more head I get!
You wear a turbin and you're a non Arab.
You're not just the President of the Hair Club for Men, you're now a member.
Your dog is irritated by how much you are shedding.
Your name is MICHAEL BOLTON!
Aliens came down and burnt it off
Dog makes herself a playmate from your shedding
Each day takes longer to wash your face
Friends stop calling you 'homey' and start calling you 'chromey'.
Hair restorer ads dom't seem so naff after all
If you play volleyball and people keep swinging at your head.
In the morning, the sun rises twice
Movie producers call you to star in a remake of Kojac.
People cover their eyes from the glare
People repeatedly poking you in the back of the head with a cue stick.
People squint at you on sunny days because of glare.
People start calling you Captian.
People start looking for their sunglasses when they realize that you are coming toward them.
People talk about the glare when you're around
Santa wants you to guide his sleigh
Teenagers pop thier zits in the reflection off your forehead!!
The hair carpet in the bathroom keeps getting thicker.
The nuclear safety officer makes an appointment.
The thought of growing your eyebrows to preposterous lengths and combing them straight back actually crosses your mind.
When an 100 year old geezer woman gives you nair leg lotion for your head
When some obsessed balding moron makes it a list topic.
When you forget the words to ALL the bald jokes you've ever told.
You actually can pull off the "three strand comb-over" and still look bald.
You are on the U.S. list of Endangered Animals (Bald EAgle).
You find a chia wig anonomously left on your desk
You start believing the testosterone-fairytale
You start receiving Social Security Assistance Checks because qualify as a disadvantaged minority classified as "folically challanged".
You think hard boiled eggs are cool
You think pigtails are real cool on baldies
You're buying stock in Ron Popeills spray-on hair product.
Your hair is actually 5 feet long because you use it to cover the bald part!
Yul Brynner's laughing at you behind your back.
A
A handsome face's never long enough!
Fugazi gives a backstage pass
More back hair appears.
People affectionately call you Butt Head
People always chasing you with billiard sticks
People say "but your face suits it"
People say "nice face, it goes all the way to the back of your head !"
Pilots mistake you for a runway beacon
Teenagers use you as a spare mirror for their make-up
That nasty ear hair doesn't seem so bad after all
The chemist want you to advertise protection
What's really bad is when people joke about you being double-chinned on top. (just a thought)
when Bambi gets jealous?!?
When you can't keep the orange dye out of your eyes.
When you decide to see how many people you can fool by growing a beard and walking on your hands.
When you go to work, your pet ostrich chases you thinking her precious egg is trying to run away.
When you insist that it's a graze on top of your head....
When you kneel in front of your wife,she asks you to wear a hat.
You ask me out.
You change your name to Aristotle Ytterbium
You get a "Toupees are Us" catalog
You know when you wash your face. Where do you stop ???
You marry (the delightful) Debbie McGee
You need sunglasses to look at your reflection in the mirror first thing in the morning
You're pretty sure you shouldn't need to buy 5 gallons of Drano each and every week!
Your plutonium fedora comes down over your eyes
Your wife applies her makeup from the reflection on your head

[RETIRED]

I think you missed one Cliff.

[Cliff Rogers]

Yeap,

Can Bald guys get Hairline Fracture's?


&


If a man is bald at the front, he is a thinker.
If he is bald at the back, he is sexy.
If he is bald from front to back - he thinks he is sexy.

[RETIRED]

See. Toldya.

[Daddles]

Do us all a favour and get a life Cliff

Richard

[Cliff Rogers]

Thanks for the red Zed, ya buga, I just managed to get over the 5000 point mark & your raspberry pushed me back under... ya turkey

& just to show you that I didn't take all the good ones, I'm going to find another one.

[Cliff Rogers]

Teacher: Can you give me an example of wasted energy?

Zed: Yes,ma'am, telling a hair-raising story to a bald-headed man.

[Cliff Rogers]

"Gee Zed, you don't have a bald spot. [pause] You have a hair spot!"

[Cliff Rogers]

Why did the bald man cut holes in his pockets?
So he could run his fingers thru his hair

[AlexS]

Bloke goes up to a bald bloke in a pub, rubs the bald blokes head and says "You know, that feels just like my wife's asre."

The bald bloke rubs his head & says "You're right, so it does."

[Cliff Rogers]

Want In A Man

What I Want in a Man, Original List

1. Handsome
2. Charming
3. Financially successful
4. A caring listener
5. Witty
6. In good shape
7. Dresses with style
8. Appreciates finer things
9. Full of thoughtful surprises
10. An imaginative, romantic lover

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 32)

1. Nice looking (prefer hair on his head)
2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
3. Has enough money for a nice dinner
4. Listens more than talks
5. Laughs at my jokes
6. Carries bags of groceries with ease
7. Owns at least one tie
8. Appreciates a good home-cooked meal
9. Remembers birthdays and anniversaries
10. Seeks romance at least once a week

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 42)

1. Not too ugly (bald head OK)
2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car
3. Works steady - splurges on dinner out occasionally
4. Nods head when I'm talking
5. Usually remembers punch lines of jokes
6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
7. Wears a shirt that covers his stomach
8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
9. Remembers to put the toilet seat down
10. Shaves most weekends

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 52)

1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed
2. Doesn't belch or scratch in public
3. Doesn't borrow money too often
4. Doesn't nod off to sleep when I'm venting
5. Doesn't retell the same joke too many times
6. Is in good enough shape to get off couch on weekends
7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
8. Appreciates a good TV dinner
9. Remembers your name on occasion
10. Shaves some weekends

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 62)

1. Doesn't scare small children
2. Remembers where bathroom is
3. Doesn't require much money for upkeep
4. Only snores lightly when asleep
5. Remembers why he's laughing
6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
7. Usually wears some clothes
8. Likes soft foods
9. Remembers where he left his teeth
10. Remembers that it's the weekend

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 72)

1. Breathing
2. Doesn't miss the toilet

[goat]

Want In A Man

What I Want in a Man, Original List

didn't know you was after a man cliff ,i hear daddles is free

[Cliff Rogers]

It was a list of Jokes you silly goat.

I was the 3rd party relaying the jokes.

I din't have time to edit them all to be in the 1st party... party?
Did some one say party?

& for those who asked... I fit in the bracket of "Your forhead seems to be growing"

[Daddles]

didn't know you was after a man cliff ,i hear daddles is free

Dammit goat, I was trying to get me hands on his tools

Richard