Groaners - politically incorrect but who really cares

[KBs PensNmore]

Due to the current economic crisis, Greece is cancelling the production of all Humus and Taramasalata. It's a double dip recession.


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63 Pakistanis died in Bradford this morning.
It was not a terrorist attack, a bunk bed collapsed…
The police are blaming AL IKEA .


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Jamie Oliver has been accused of shoplifting a kitchen utensil from Tesco.
Oliver says it was a whisk he was prepared to take.


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Police stopped a Pakistani in his transit van on the motorway.
Policeman says "Do you know the limit is 70?"
The driver leans into the back and says: "Hear that........3 of you have got to get out!"


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Paddy & Mick stagger out of the zoo with blood pouring from them..
"Bollocks to that" said Paddy "That's the last time I go lion dancing"


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Paddy says to Mick, "Christmas is on Friday this year".
Mick said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th then."


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My mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 15 hours to hoover the house. Turns out she was a Slovak.


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Since the snow came, all the wife has done is look through the window. If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her in.


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I've been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper. To be honest I only intended to rough him up a bit.
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Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Paralympics after they tested positive for WD40.


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A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt.
Archaeologists believe it may be Pharaoh Rocher.......


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Just A Reminder to those who stole Electrical Goods in Last Year's Riots......
Your One Year Manufacturer's Warranty Runs Out Soon.


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Two Indian junkies accidentally snorted curry powder instead of cocaine.
Both are in hospital...... One's in a korma....... The other's got a dodgy tikka


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In the first few days of the Olympics, eastern Europeans took gold, silver, bronze, copper & lead.


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An Englishman has started his own business in Afghanistan. He is making Land Mines that look like prayer mats! It's doing well! Prophets are going through the roof!


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A boy asks his granny, 'Have you seen my pills, they were labelled LSD?'
Granny replies, never mind the pills, have you seen the dragons in the kitchen?

[Tonyz]

Two Indian junkies accidentally snorted curry powder instead of cocaine.
Both are in hospital...... One's in a korma....... The other's got a dodgy tikka

(being involved in related funeral and cremation industry this story was doing the rounds awhile back....may not be accurate but funny anyway.

Lady in Glasgow comes home to find house burgled, police arrive and taking list of things missing, they are sitting in lounge room and lady suddenly screams..."they takin my hubby, mu hubbys ashes where on the mantlepiece".

One young officer is very uncomfortable about this and shifting position he kicks something under the glass top coffee table, he bends down pulls out the urn with open top and also notices strange marks on the coffee table.
"Sir" he says to his senior, may I speak outside to you?"

they go out of the room and young man suggests that burglers may be dumb as he suspects they have taken the ashes and scrapped them onto table and snorted them, again he makes a suggestion that a notice be put out on local radio that the two people who broke into this house and snorted what they that was drugs are very likely to die unless treated at hospital within 30 minutes. Police are duly sitting quietly at the hospital when two panicked idiots come in screaming they are going to die.

As I said may be a good story.