School Bullies

[silentC]

As I have just discovered, a very worrying and frustrating time in a parent's life is when one of your kids comes home from school and tells you that they are being picked on. Yes, our 7 year old daughter has told us that an 8 year old boy, by the name of Reece, who is the biggest kid in her class (she's in a mixed class with year 1 & 2 kids), has been calling her names and picking on her in the playground. It got to the point last week where she did not want to go to school. We asked her what was wrong and she eventually told us about it.

So my first reaction is to find out who the kid is and confront his parents. I mean what sort of cowardly little #### are they raising that he gets his kicks out of picking on a little girl? Then I'd like a few moments alone in a locked room with him. I think I know who he is. I used to help out with Auskick last year and I'm pretty sure he is the same fat little ##### that I took an instant disliking to. He never did what he was told and used to bully the other kids around, especially the little ones.

Bullies are all cowards and if you confront them, they turn to water. But this guy is at least twice the size of my daughter. So, we've made an appointment to go up to the school and discuss it with her teacher. I will be suggesting that they get his parents in and have a little talk about it. I'd love to be there too. Kids usually get their behaviour from their parents one way or another. If I ever found out my son was doing something like this to a little girl, I would kick his backside so hard he wouldn't sit down for a week and then I would tell him that there is a difference between respect and fear and if he thinks that making other kids fear him is getting him any respect I will give him something to fear.

I have you in my sights now, Reece, you fat little ####.

[Schtoo]

Hmm...

Yeah, whatever you have to do, you do.



But that's not why I am here.

I have a 'nephew' whose name is Reece, and it's possible this might be him.

If you manage to find out what his mum and dad are called, PM me ASAP. I might be able to give you something to chew on as rational talking wont do squat.

[RufflyRustic]

Having been bullied as a child at school, high school and into university, I personally know that my lack of self-confidence was most likely the main problem i.e. easy to pick on, won't answer back.

A big life change happened and now people who know me don't dare pick on me as they know I won't take it any more - (YAY!!!!)

SilentC - is there any chance of doing some roleplays or confidence building stuff or sport that may help with your's daughter's self-confidence?

This is not a wholistic answer by any shape or form.

Good luck sorting it out.

cheers
Wendy

[silentC]

The thing is, last year she was the most confident kid in the class. Her report basically said we have nothing to worry about, she is confident, happy, entusiastic etc etc and talks with her teacher confirmed this. She loved school and she cried on the first morning of school holidays when Mum told her she wasn't going to school.

This year, her report says she lacks confidence, all her scores are down, and now she says she hates school. What has changed? We asked her what was wrong and she comes out with this story. We told her this morning that we were going to talk to her teacher about it and she freaked out. Then she said that she made it up, he wasn't picking on her and she would just stay away from him.

There are two conclusions I can draw from that. I know which one I'm going with.

I was never the type to fight back either. My old man used to tell me about a bully he ran into at school. He used to pick on him and his mate, so the two of them went and learned some judo throws over the holidays. First day back, the guy comes up to pick on them, dad grabs him by the arm, throws him over his shoulder and that was the end of that.

I prefered to just stay away from the deadsh#ts at school. There were plenty of them too. We had one guy who used to get on the school bus every morning and he would walk up the aisle, making little remarks to kids he singled out for attention, messing up their hair, blowing kisses, a real wanker. I think he's in gaol now. Hi Brett

[Schtoo]

My involvement with bullies usually stopped when I left permanent marks on their person.

When will they learn not to pick on the gentle fat kid who was taught how to box from 4 years old?

When their nose/teeth don't work right no more...


(I think it's the concept that there is always someone out there who can, and will, give them a hiding if they ask for it that brings them into line. All the more effective if it comes from a highly unlikely source. Doesn't always work though...)

[Wongo]

There is a place in hell for bullies. They are all bastards and I hate them all. They are all fat and ugly. They are all losers.:mad: X 1000

I remember the fear to step out of the school because this fat bastard was waiting for me. I didn’t want to go to school, I didn’t want to see them anymore.

I thought I was a cool kid, I played my basketball, I have never had a fight with anyone but I still got picked on a couple of times.

I feel sorry for your girl mate. I fully understand how she feels at the moment. It is bad. Talk to the school, talk to his parents and more importantly talk to the bastard and let him know someone bigger than him is protecting your little girl.

[Lignum]

The best way to stop a school bullie is public humiliation

[goat]

hi silent, i know the emotions that you are feeling i been through it my self with my boy last year it got to a stage my boy (tyson)would be physically ill on the way to school he was that worried so i enrolled him and the other 2 kids and the missus in ty kwon do (spelling) not for him to fight back but to give him the confidence to do so IF nessacery (sp) not only did tyson,s worries stop his school grades also shot up and another plus is the missus hasn't felt so good for years

[jmk89]

SilentC

I was bullied at school too and I fear that it will happen to my kids too when they are older (so far so good at Kindy).

The one thing I remember was how good it was to know that my Mum and Dad were on my side and listened to what I said I wanted (even if I was wrong and didn't want them to do anything for fear of making the reprisals from the bully worse). I had to learn to deal with the bullies for myself and having a mother or father or teacher do it for me wouldn't help.

That's why judo and boxing worked for Schtoo and you - you both took control yourself. Wendy seems to have done the same but differently and for her it took longer and wasn't so direct - she had to believe in herself to be able to say that she wasn't going to put up with it.

It's going to be tough though. But unless your daughter knows that she can deal with it herself, she won't ever be free of the fear of being bullied. I'm afraid that your role (especially if Reece is Schtoo's nephew and has parents that won't see that this is a problem) is to let her know that you are always there and always on her side, always ready to listen to her and advise and make suggestions but always respectful and supportive of her decisions about her life. If she has that strong family base to work from, she will find a way to deal with the issue.

It still makes you (and me) want to punch the kid's father's eyes out and boot the kid from here to Timbuctoo. That would make you feel better, but may not help your girl.

Jeremy

[scooter]

Not much to add here but I can imagine how you feel silent.

Just persist with the school to have it followed up, most schools should have bullying policies implemented, but still need a persistant parent to ensure it's followed through rather than taking the soft option of placating the parents & hoping it goes away.

I was bullied in the secondary years and it is pretty traumatic to face every day, as a kid the effect on you is significant.


Regards & cheers...............Sean

[Wongo]

When I was about 7, I played with boy next door all the time. We were buddies, his sister(14), on the other hand, was a total :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: . She picked on my all the time. I must listen to her, give her my pocket money, blah, blah, blah.

She rang and wrote letters to my school pretended to be my sister. She lied about me and got me into trouble all the time. She stole our house keys, broke into our place and stole money. One day my brother got home early and caught her. We should have called the police but we didn’t. Big mistake. I think she got into trouble a number of times since.

The trouble was she is such a sweet girl when there are adults around. I still don’t know why I was so scared to tell anyone about her, not even my own family.

FEAR can destroy your childhood.

[keith53]

If I ever found out my son was doing something like this to a little girl, I would kick his backside so hard he wouldn't sit down for a week and then I would tell him that there is a difference between respect and fear and if he thinks that making other kids fear him is getting him any respect I will give him something to fear.

Onya Silent. A man after my own heart..

[bennylaird]

Back on track, my wifes school has a strict policy on bullying and it is enforced when reported or noticed. Kids are given lessons on it as well. Like most things some cases never get reported for fear of even worse treatment.

This extends away from school, how many people ignore reporting wrong doing for fear of reprisals. The real bullies in society prey on it. They can seek revenge from the lock up as well.

Just watched a doco on the trade of sex slaves in Europe. They treat women like items, sell them off and they are raped and forced into prostitution etc. They get little help from the law and usually get deported when busted. All the time their "owners" threaten them will harm to their children and families if they cause problems.

Why cant decency take precedence here and these mongrels get rounded up and locked away. Maybe they dont control oil wells???????


Sorry not trying to hijack.

[TassieKiwi]

Boy, will this thread get some responses.

I was where you are 12 months ago Silent. Long story, but similar - older loser from G4 beating up on my kind, gentle, wonderfull little G1 Max. We did all the 'proper' things, but snapped when Max cam home unable to speak with a swollen tounge - ar5ewipe had pulled his hands off the steel equipment's ladder, chin hits rung, tooth through tounge. :eek: What made me white hot was that this happened at lunchtime, Max said that he begged for mum/dad to come, wasn't allowed, back to class with no pain relief, and no communication to parents. AAAAAAAAarrrrrgggghhhhhh! :mad: :mad: To think that I was sitting at my desk while some lowlife was methodically taking my boy's innocence away made me livid. Coupled of course with my own vivid memories of being bullied. Bastards.:mad:

We discovered systemic problems at the school, and mobed to the local Catholic school in town. A different world, sweetness and light. Max went from level 4 to level 15 in reading in his first term. Lots of communication from the school. Wonderful.

We too got the message that talking to the parents would get you nothing but a slap for you and probably the bully for good measure. If you really think how many kids are miss-treated by their own parents you would not stop crying, ever. Sigh.

I couldnt believe that I had to teach my son self-defence at age 6. He was on to it anyway - "dad, if I do that to him there'll just be payback" That school let my boy get hurt, they let him down.

None of this helps you of course. Communication, strategy, education, self-defense - change schools? Dunno. This is a national problem.

D

[Wongo]

The real bullies in society prey on it. They can seek revenge from the lock up as well.

It is FEAR. Same stuff. But it is not a couple of punches anymore. It is about your own safety and the safety of your family. Unfortunately those bastards know it so well. Bad people will continue to use fear as their weapon and it will always work.

Sorry guys, carry on.