Qantas

[fred.n]

Just had this sent to me, had to share it with you guys

Here are some of the actual maintenance complaints submitted by the Qantas' pilots (as marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (as marked with an S) by the maintenance engineers.

By the way, it is relevant to note that Qantas is the only major airline in the world that has never, ever, had an accident!

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in the cockpit.
S: Something tightened in the cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of a leak on the right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume reset to a more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: The number 3 engine is missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after a brief search.

Happy Flying

[craigb]

So old it's got whiskers.

Still good though.

[AlexS]

By the way, it is relevant to note that Qantas is the only major airline in the world that has never, ever, had an accident!

[/FONT]

Not quite....

Connie VH-EAL written off in Mauritius

Flying boat written off in Sydney Harbour in 1930s I think, Qantas' only fatal
aircraft accident.

[woodbe]

By the way, it is relevant to note that Qantas is the only major airline in the world that has never, ever, had an accident!

Excluding all the 'minor' accidents and 'near misses' I guess...

Does the Qantas website qualify as a major accident? It's the only airline website that offers to fly me to Melbourne via Brisbane making a 1 hour trip 6 hours, and charging me as if I wanted to go to Brisbane to get to Melbourne...

woodbe.

[popawisky]

many people believe QANTAS stands for Queensland and Northern Territory Ariel Service. WRONG. Qantas stands for Quite A Nice Takeoff Any Survivors