Getting on

[Christopha]

A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing home.

As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightie and yell: "SUPERSEX".

She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair, flipping her nightie at him, yelling: "SUPERSEX".

He sat very silently, thinking for a moment or two, and finally answered: "I'll take the SOUP".

[journeyman Mick]

Lady Ponsonby-Smyth was 97 and had lived a very staid proper life. She was well into her twilight years and was at a society ball when she realised with some sadness that she had never really let her hair down. She decided that tonight was her last chance to throw caution to the winds and do something she had secretly dreamt of ever since she was a young lass. She slipped into an alcove and removed her clothing, then without a stitch on she tottered down the corridor, into a side door of the grand ballroom and straight out the other side. Unfortunately for her A fresh round of French Champagne and fresh Beluga Caviar had just been served at the other end of the ballroom and consequently the only two people to see her were Sir George deWinter and Lord Alstonbury who were also quite advanced in years. Sir George turned to Alstonbury
"I say Alstonbury, was that LAdy Ponsonby-Smyth?"
"Why yes, I believe it was"
A few more minutes passed
"Did you happen to notice what she was wearing?"
"Hmmmmm, what was she wearing? Ummm, offhand no, but whatever it was, it needed a frightfully good iron."

[coastie]

Elderly person is put into a nursing home.several days later he is visited by his son.
"How do you like living in here Dad?" asks the son,"are they looking after you allright?"
"Yes bloody fantastic",replies the father."just the other day I was having a shower and I got an erection,the nurse looked at me and said 'We'll have to do something about that,wont we 'so she pulled me under the sheets and I had the most wonderful sex I have had in a long time"
The son returns about a fortnight later,and again asks his fatherabout conditions,he replies "Get me out of this bloody place cant stay here a minute longer!!"
The son replies "Why I thought you liked the place ,you know,the sex and everything?"
To which the father replies"The other day I was pushing my walking frame along and I stumbled and bent over,a male nurse saw me in this position and had his way with me,I get an erection once every twelve months ,but I stumble at least six times a day,get me out of here,please!!"

[Driver]

An old boy is sitting in a chair on the verandah of the nursing home. He starts to lean over to his left as a nurse is walking by. She spots this and straightens him up.

He leans to his left again. She straightens him up again. As she is walking away, the old boy leans to his right. The nurse tut-tuts and straightens him again. She stands back to check that he is comfortable and he starts to lean forward.

"Dear me!" she says. "We are in a wobbly old state this morning, aren't we?"

She takes his dressing gown cord and fastens it firmly round the back of the chair - holding the old boy in place.

"There!" she says. "That's better. Now you can have a nice restful sit in the sunshine!"

She walks away.

Ten minutes later, the old boy's son arrives on a visit. He finds his dad on the verandah, sitting up rock solid in his chair.

"How're you going, Dad?" Everything all right? They looking after you OK?"

"Not bad, son. Can't complain too much. Mind you, they've got a pretty strict policy about farting!"

[Caliban]

Driver
I love it
cheers
Jim

[outback]

Driver Wins!!!!!!!!!