Marriage somewhat explained

[John Saxton]

A frustrated husband in front of his laptop :

dear google, please do not behave like my wife...
Please allow me to complete my sentence before you start guessing & suggesting


A married man's prayer :
Dear God, You gave me childhood, You took it away. You gave me youth, You took it away. You gave me a wife ... It’s been years now, just reminding You

A man brings his best buddy home for dinner unannounced at 5:30 after work. His wife begins screaming at him and his friend just sits and listens in.
"My hair & makeup are not done, the house is a mess, the dishes are not done, I'm still in my pyjamas and I can't be bothered with cooking tonight ! Why the hell did you bring him home for?"
Husband answers "Because he's thinking of getting married"

Employee : Sir You are like a lion in the office! What about at home ???
Boss : I am a lion at home too, But there we have a lion tamer !!!


A couple was having dinner at a fancy restaurant. As the food was served, the husband said, "the food looks delicious, let's eat."
Wife : honey ... you say prayer before eating at home.
Husband : that's at home sweetheart ... here the chef knows how to cook.



Best Slogan on a MAN's T-Shirt :
"Please Do Not Disturb me, I am Married and already very Disturbed"

[KBs PensNmore]

My father once told me marriage was like an institution.
Who in their right mind want to live the rest of their life in an institution????

[Chief Tiff]

Don’t forget the three rings;

Engagement ring,
Wedding ring,
Suffering.

[AlexS]

I was told that marriage boils down to giving away half your tucker to get the other half cooked.

[Handyjack]

The agreement.
I earn, she spends!

Just hope to earn more than she spends.

[KBs PensNmore]

My first wife and I had a 40/60 relationship, I'd earn 40 and she'd spend 60
Her nickname was "Hermitt" Her mitt was always in my wallet.
I can't remember which famous comedian said, that marriage was like buy a stranger a house!!!

[Chief Tiff]

I’m considering referring to my beloved as “Mastercard”.

Not that she’s a big spender, it’s just that she‘s up to 56 days interest free...

[rrich]

OK, Connie and I have been married 55 years this August.

Recently I had to take the behind the wheel of the driving test due to a detached retina. One of the things that the driving test people do is to distract you with conversation. After a bit of distracting conversation the driving test person asked "How have you managed to stay married for over 50 years?" As we were driving I answered, "When we got married, it was decided that the check book was 50/50. I make the deposits and she writes the checks." At that point the driving test person says, "I'm giving you a 95. We'll head back to the office and put in the forms for your new license."

Mates, it works rather well.