Jack and Maude turn up at the Pearly Gates and are instantly recognised. St Peter welcomes them and shows them to a lovely new villa overlooking the best golf course you could imagine. He gives them a membership card and suggests that they have their free meals at the clubhouse.
Later that night Jack and Maude stroll over to find the most lavish arrangement of food ever. They are offered the special of the day, beef wellington but Jack says,
‘Oh I’m sorry but I need to take care of my blood pressure and red meat is definitely out.’ The club manager is called and he explains that John and Maude have new bodies and there is no such thing as illness in heaven. They can eat whatever they like with no side effects.
John turns to Maude and says,
‘ You’ve been cooking me oatmeal twice a day. If you had cooked normal meals, we could have been here 10 years ago!’

CP