The atheist & the bear

An atheist was taking a walk through the woods, admiring all that the
"accident of evolution" had created.

"What majestic trees! What powerful rivers!
What beautiful animals!", he said to himself.


As he was walking alongside the river he
heard a rustling in the bushes behind him.


He turned to look.

He saw a 7 foot grizzly charge towards him.
He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder
and saw that the bear was closing.

He ran even faster, so scared that tears were coming to his eyes. He
looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer. His
heart was pumping frantically and he tried to run even faster. He
tripped and
fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw the bear;
right
on top of him; reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right
paw
to strike him.

At that instant the Atheist cried out "Oh my God!...."


Time stopped.

The bear froze.

The forest was silent.

Even the river stopped moving.


As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky,
"You deny my existence for all of these years; teach others I don't
exist; and
even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you

out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"

The atheist looked directly into the light "it would be hypocritical
to ask to be a Christian after all these years, but perhaps could you
make
the bear a Christian?"

"Very well," said the voice.

The light went out.

The river ran again.

And the sounds of the forest resumed.


And then the bear dropped his right paw ..... brought both paws
together...bowed his head and spoke:


"Lord, for this food which I am about to receive, I am truly
thankful."


Bill Gates died in a car accident. He found himself in Purgatory, being
sized up by God. "Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call. I'm not
sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously
helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in the world,
and yet you created that ghastly Windows 95. I'm going to do something
I've never done before. In your case, I'm going to let you decide where
you want to go!" Bill replied, "Well, thanks, God. What's the
difference between the two?" God said, "I'm willing to let you visit
both places briefly if it will help you make a decision." "Fine, but
where should I go first? God said, "I'm going to leave that up to you."
Bill said, "OK, then, let's try Hell first." So Bill went to Hell.

It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters. There were
thousands of beautiful women running around, playing in the water,
laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining, the temperature
was perfect. Bill was very pleased. "This is great!" he told God. "If
this is Hell, I
REALLY want to see Heaven!" "Fine," said God, and off they went.

Heaven was a high place in the clouds, with angels drifting about
playing harps and singing. It was nice but not as enticing as Hell.
Bill thought for a quick minute and rendered his decision. "Hmm, I think
I prefer Hell" he told God. "Fine," retorted God, "as you desire." So
Bill Gates went to Hell.

Two weeks later, God decided to check up on the late billionaire to see
how he was doing in Hell. When God arrived in Hell, he found Bill
shackled to a wall, screaming amongst the hot flames in a dark cave. He
was being burned and tortured by demons. "How's everything going,
Bill?" God asked. Bill responded - his voice full of anguish and
disappointment, "This is awful, this is not what I expected. I can't
believe this happened. What happened to that other place with the
beaches and the beautiful women playing in the water?"

God smiled & said "That was the screen saver".