Paddys' sick note for work

[fenderbelly]

Dear Sir,

I write this note to you to tell you of me plight
and at the time of writing, I am not a pretty sight;
me body is all black and blue, me face a deathly grey
and I write this note to say why Paddy's not at work today.

While working on the fourteenth floor some bricks I had to clear;
now, to throw them down from such a height was not a good idea.
the foreman wasn't very pleased, he being an awkward sod
he said I'd have to cart them down the ladders in me hod.

Now, clearing all these bricks by hand it was so very slow,
so I hoisted up a barrel and secured the rope below.
But in me haste to do the job I was too blind to see
that a barrelful of building bricks was heavier than me.

So when I untied the rope the barrel fell like lead
and clinging tightly to the rope I started up instead.
Well, I shot up like a rocket till to my dismay I found
that halfway up I met the bloody barrel coming down.

Well, the barrel broke me shoulder as to the ground it sped,
and when I reached the top I banged the pulley with my head.
Well, I clung on tight through numbed with shock from this almighty blow
and the barrel spilled out half the bricks fourteen floors below.

Now, when these bricks had fallen from the barrel to the floor
I then outweighed the barrel and so started down once more;
still clinging tightly to the rope, I sped towards the ground,
and I landed on the broken bricks that were all scattered round.

Well, I lay there groaning on the ground, I thought I'd passed the worst,
when the barrel hit the pulley-wheel and then the bottom burst.
Well, a shower of bricks rained down on me, I hadn't got a hope
as I lay there moaning on the ground, I let go the bloody rope.

The barrel than being heavier, it started down once more,
and landed right across me, as I lay upon the floor.
Well, it broke three ribs and my left arm, and I can only say
that I hope you'll understand why Paddy's not at work today.

Paddy

[wheelinround]

If ya can write Paddy your not sick enough would be some bosses I have worked for reply.

Like it

[Carry Pine]

thanks fenderbelly,

I've heard the song on the radio and have always wanted a copy of the words.
(When i asked other people about the song they looked at me as though i had 2 heads.)

Graham

[Dennis Millard]

thanks fenderbelly,

I've heard the song on the radio and have always wanted a copy of the words.
(When i asked other people about the song they looked at me as though i had 2 heads.)

Graham

It is based on a story told by Gerard Hoffnung, a brilliant comedian and musician, some years ago. I have a recording of it somewhere and i still laugh myself silly when I play it.

[rhancock]

Of course it's on [ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6wtW_iSX0tM"]YouTube[/ame].

[rhancock]

This page has Hoffnung's original words:

A striking lesson in keeping the upper lip stiff is (no, wait, wait...) is given in a recent number of the weekly bulletin of 'The Federation of Civil Engineering Contractors' which prints the following letter from a bricklayer in Golders Green to the firm for whom he works.

"Respected sir,
When I got to the top of the building, I found that the hurricane had knocked some bricks off the top. (See?) So I rigged up a beam, with a pulley, at the top of the building and hoisted up a couple of barrels full of bricks.

When I had fixed the building, there was a lot of bricks left over. I hoisted the barrel back up again and secured the line at the bottom and then went up (listen) and filled the barrel with extra bricks.

Then, I went to the bottom and cast off the rope.

Unfortunately,...the barrel of bricks was heavier than I was...and before I knew what was happening, the barrel started down, jerking me off the ground.

I decided to hang on! And halfway up, I met the barrel coming down... and received a severe blow on the shoulder.

I then continued to the top,...banging my head against the beam...and getting my fingers jammed in the pulley!

When the barrel hit the ground, it burst of its bottom... allowing all the bricks...to spill out.

I was now heavier than the barrel...and so started down again...at high speed!

Halfway down... I met the barrel coming up...and received severe injury to my shins!

When I hit the ground... I landed on the bricks, getting several painful cuts from the sharp edges!

At this point, I must have lost my presence of mind... because I let go of the line!

The barrel...the barrel...the barrel then came down...giving me another heavy blow on the head...and putting me in hospital.

I respectfully request 'sick leave'."

[Carry Pine]

This version by the Dubliners:

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_Vfxuk8x_A&feature=fvw"]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_Vfxuk8x_A&feature=fvw[/ame]

my favourite.

Graham