How to shower like a woman.

1. Take off clothing and place it in a sectioned laundry basket, according
to lights, darks, whites, man-made or natural.
2. Walk to bathroom wearing a long dressing gown. If husband seen along the way, cover up any exposed flesh and rush to the bathroom.
3. Look at womanly physique in mirror and stick out belly, complain and whine about getting fat. Get in shower. Look for facecloth, arm cloth,loin cloth, long loofah, wide loofah, and pumice stone.
4. Wash hair once with Cucumber and Lamphrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
5. Wash hair again with Cucumber and amphrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
6. Condition hair with Cucumber and Lamphrey conditioner with enhanced natural crocus oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes.
7. Wash face with Crushed Apricot Facial Scrub for 10 minutes until red raw. Wash rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash.
8. Rinse conditioner off hair, taking at least 5 minutes to make sure it's all come off.
9. Scream loudly when husband flushes toilet and shower loses water pressure and turns red hot.
10. Turn off shower. Squeegee all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mould spots
with Tilex. Get out of shower.
11. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If husband seen, cover up any exposed areas and then rush to bedroom to spend 1 hour getting dressed.

How to shower like a man.

1. Take off clothes while sitting on bed and leave them in a pile.
2. Walk naked to bathroom. If wife seen, shake knob at her making the "Woo Hoo" sound.
3. Look at manly physique in mirror and suck in gut to see if you have pecs (No!).
4. Admire size of knob in mirror, scratch privates and smell fingers for one last whiff.
5. Get in shower. Don't bother to look for wash cloth- you don't use one.
6. Wash face. Wash armpits. Crack up at how loud farts sound in the shower.
7. Wash privates and the surrounding area. Wash butt, leaving hair on soap.
8. Shampoo hair but do not use conditioner.
9. Make shampooed hair into Mohawk style. Pull back curtain to see self in mirror.
10. Pee (in shower).
11. Rinse off and get out of shower. Fail to notice water on floor because shower curtain outside bath for whole shower time.
12. Look at self in mirror again, flex muscles and admire size of knob (again).
13. Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on floor.
14. Leave bathroom light and fan on.
15. Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, grab knob, go "Yeah baby" and thrust pelvis at her.
16. Put on yesterday's clothes.