The (un)fairer sex.......

[Iain]

WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST

She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.

Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.



WOMEN'S REVENGE

"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.

As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied, " but my husband refused to come shopping with me,

and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."

UNDERSTANDING WOMEN

(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)

I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,

pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,

and still be afraid of a spider.


MARRIAGE SEMINAR

While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,

Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor,

"It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes."
He addressed the man,
"Can you name your wife's favorite flower?"
Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's White Wings, isn't it?


WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.

An earlier discussion had led to an argument and

neither of them wanted to concede their position.

As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,

the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."



W O R D S

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...

30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"



CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be

so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
" The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.

God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!


WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first,

and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and

you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible

that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament

and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says.........."HEBREWS"



The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each
other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day,
he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
"Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM
and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and
see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by
the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.



God may have created man before woman,

but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.

And finally...............

[Barry_White]

Who's side are you on Iain.

[Auld Bassoon]

Quite!

[echnidna]

He's obviosly acting under orders from HIT (Her in there)

[Stu in Tokyo]

Who's side are you on Iain.

Hey, you got to know the opposing team, so study the film!!

Funny post!

[Barry_White]

Hey, you got to know the opposing team, so study the film!!

Funny post!

Trouble is just when you think you know that opposing teams rules they change them.

[Iain]

Just passing on my son's henpecked email

[doug the slug]

Just passing on my son's henpecked email

i bet your wife told you to do it

[Stu in Tokyo]

Trouble is just when you think you know that opposing teams rules they change them.

WHAT....?:eek:

You mean the other side has RULES...........???!!!

News to me

[RufflyRustic]

Love it - just what I needed to get through a Friday....
cheers
RR

[bennylaird]

We always hear "the rules"
From the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules!
Please note... these are all numbered "1"
ON PURPOSE!


1. Men ARE not mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it
down. We need it up, you need it down . You don't hear us complaining
about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport , And no, we are never going to think of it
that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:

Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work!

Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what
we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. A headache that lasts for 17
months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is in - admissible in an argument. In
fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress and look like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't
expect us to act look like and act like the soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways
makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done,
not both.

If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself or just tell us
how to do it.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
commercials..

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We
have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that (It's the animal in us)

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like
nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the
hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you
don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is
fine...Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to
discuss such topics as footy, woodwork, or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1 I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

Thank you for reading this.

Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

[Daddles]

Love it - just what I needed to get through a Friday....
cheers
RR

It's not friday Ruffly ... oh ****, yes it is.

WHO PINCHED MY WEEK?

OMG, school holidays start today :eek:

arrrgggghhhhhhhhh

btw Ian, your post showed wimmen as rationaly beings - I guess that's why it's in the joke section

Richard

[biotechy2k]

Okay, Okay, it *finally* all makes sense now... I never
looked at it this way before:
MEN tal illness

MEN strual cramps

MEN tal breakdown

MEN opause

GUY nocologist


AND

When we have REAL trouble, it's a

HIS terectomy.

Ever notice how all of women's problems start with MEN ?

Now before anyone gets upset I was sent this by my husband
and well we got to be fair LOL
Cheers Bio

[ele__13]

Very well put thank god its friday !!!!....

[bennylaird]

Here Is Victoria's Secrat..............