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Thread: Golfisms

  1. #1
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    Default Golfisms

    *The Gospel According to St. Titleist*

    1. Eighteen holes of match play will teach you more about your foe than 18 years of dealing with him across a desk.
    ~ Grantland Rice

    2 Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.
    ~ John Updike

    3. It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place the world is when one is playing golf.
    ~ Robert Lynd

    4. If profanity had any influence on the flight of the ball, the game of golf would be played far better than it is.
    ~Horace G. Hutchinson

    5. They say golf is like life, but don't believe them. Golf is more complicated than that.
    ~ Gardner Dickinson

    6. If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork as poorly as they do a golf club, they'd starve to death.
    ~ Sam Snead

    7. Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness.
    ~ William Wordsworth

    8. If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt.
    ~ Dean Martin

    9. If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you don't have to waste energy going back to pick it up.
    ~ Tommy Bolt

    10. Man blames fate for all other accidents, but feels personally responsible when he makes a hole-in-one.
    ~ Bishop Sheen

    11. I don't say my golf game is bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced.
    ~ Arnold Palmer

    12. My handicap? Woods and irons.
    ~ Chris Codiroli

    13. The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody would put a flag stick on top.
    ~ Pete Dye

    14. I'm hitting the woods just great, but having a terrible time getting out of them!
    ~ Buddy Hackett

    15. The only time my prayers are never answered is playing golf.
    ~ Billy Graham

    16. If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.
    ~ Jack Lemmon

    17. Its good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.
    ~ Mark Twain

    18. Don't play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty.
    ~ Harry Vardon

    19. Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy without being good at either of them.
    ~ Raymond Willis

    20. May the ball lie in green pastures, and not in still waters or small round sandy regions.
    ~ Ben Hogan

    21. If I hit it right, it's a slice. If I hit it left, it's a hook. If I hit it straight, it's a miracle.
    ~ All Us Hackers

    22 The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie.
    ~ George Deukmejian

    AND FINALLY................

    23. Remember Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe.
    ~ Lee Trevino
    Cheers Fred



    The difference between light and hard is that you can sleep with the light on.
    http://www.redbubble.com/people/fredsmi ... t_creative"

    Updated 26 April 2010
    http://sites.google.com/site/pomfred/

  2. #2
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    Default



    Any I don't even play golf
    ...but together with the coffee civility flowed back into him
    Patrick O'Brian, Treason's Harbour

  3. #3
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    Default

    Golf is an ineffectual attempt to direct an uncontrollable sphere into an innaccessible hole with instruments ill adapted to the purpose.
    ~ Me after my last attempt at the stupid game. (I have a full set of clubs for sale by the way)

    **actually that was written on a plaque hanging from my golf bag. I didn't make it up. Nice list of quotes though Fender
    Those were the droids I was looking for.
    https://autoblastgates.com.au

  4. #4
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    Default

    A mate came up with the best definition of golf I've ever heard and even the local golf pro's agree.

    A good walk ruined.
    Graeme

  5. #5
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    Default

    Good one Fred

    I can identify with many of those unfortunately.

    Allan
    Life is short ... smile while you still have teeth.

  6. #6
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by bookend View Post
    A mate came up with the best definition of golf I've ever heard and even the local golf pro's agree.

    A good walk ruined.

    Mark Twain spouted that way back in the late 1800's.

    So your mate can't claim it as his own if he did.
    "Rotten to the Core"

  7. #7
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    Default Need help with this quote

    I can't find this quote anywhere, but in my youth heard it attributed to Winston Churchill: "In Golf you attempt to hit a small ball into an even smaller hole with weapons singularly unsuited to the task."

    Pretty sure I got at least some of that right - can anyone correct it?

    Pete
    Pete, the Tubatoad
    (Not a tube 'a toothpaste, a tubatoad!)

  8. #8
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    Wagga Wagga NSW
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    Default

    [23. Remember Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe.
    ~ Lee Trevino

    Music comes out of bagpipes??????

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