Modern Nursey Rhymes - Warning, a bit rude

[simon c]

Mary had a little skirt with splits right up the sides,
and every where that Mary walked the boys could see her thighs.
Mary had another skirt twas split right up the front, ...but she didn't wear that one very often.

Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet, her clothes all tattered and torn.
It wasn't the spider that crept beside her, but Little Boy Blue and his horn.

Simple Simon met a pieman, going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the pieman, "What have you got there?"
Said the pieman unto Simon, "Pies, you d**khead."

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kings horses and all the kings men
Said, "F--- him, he's only an egg.

Mary had a little lamb. It ran into a pylon.
10,000 volts went up its ass and turned its wool to nylon

Georgie Porgy pudding 'n pie, kissed the girls and made them cry.
When the boys came out to play, he kissed them too, 'cause he was gay.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to have some hanky panky.
Silly Jill forgot her pill and now, there's little Frankie.

[scooter]

Simon, LMAO. !!!!


Cheers...........Sean, "so I got that goin' for me..." Carl Spackler, Caddyshack

[ubeaut]

Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard
To get her poor daughter a dress.
When she got there the cupboard was bare
And so was her daughter I guess.

Mary Mary quite contrary
How does your garden grow
With silver bells and cockle shells
And lots of bloody weeds

Jack be nimble Jack be quick
Jack jump over the candle stick
Great balls of fire.

Mary had a little lamb
It's fleece was white as snow
And every where that Mary went
She stood in sheep poop.

Jack n Jill went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water
Jill forgot to take the pill
And now they've got a daughter

Little miss Muffet sat on her tuffet
Eating her curds n whey
Along came a spider and sat down beside her
And Mary said rack off hairylegs

There's more but they get a little bit too over the top.

[Woodwould]

There was a young woman from Bude
Who went for a swim in the lake.
A man in a punt shoved his pole in her side
And yelled "Oi! You can't swim here it's too bloody dangerous!"

[Cliff Rogers]

Most of these did a round once before & the thread got locked.
https://www.woodworkforums.com/showthread.php?t=16734

[rrich]

Jack and Jill went up the hill
Each had a dollar and quarter
Jill came down the hill with two and a quarter
It's obvious they didn't go up for water

[Allan at Wallan]

There was a young man, his surname was Rees,
He walked into a puddle which came up to his ankles.

Well, if the water was a bit deeper it would have made
a nice poem. (And a clean one at that)

Allan

[popawisky]

mary had a litle lamb
her father shot it dead
now mary takes the lamb to school
between two slices of bread

[glenn k]

Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard
To get her poor dog some bread.
When she bent over rover took over
and put in a clean line instead


EDITED POST

[watson]

An Admin was slowly perusing
Some posts he found slightly amusing
Others Instead went over his head
'cos decorum the forum was losing


Keep it clean please.

[Grumpy John]

'Twas on the good ship Venus
.......... Cant' use that one.


There was a young man fron Nantucket
...........Can't use that one either.


Sorry I've got nothing for this thread .

[AlexS]

There was an old man from Nantucket
Who kept all his cash in a bucket.
His daughter named Nan
Ran off with a man,
And as for the bucket - Nan tucket.

[fenderbelly]

An Admin was slowly perusing
Some posts he found slightly amusing
Others Instead went over his head
'cos decorum the forum was losing


Keep it clean please.

Good one Noel