Punny stuff

[Cliff Rogers]

1. A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
2. A will is a dead giveaway.
3. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
4. A backward poet writes inverse.
5. In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.
6. A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
7. If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.
8. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
9. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.
10. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
11. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
12. A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulting in Linoleum Blownapart.
13. You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
14. Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.
15. He would often have to break into song because he couldn't find the key.
16. A calendar's days are numbered.
17. A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.
18. A boiled egg is hard to beat.
19. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
20. A plateau is a high form of flattery.
21. A short fortune-teller who escaped from prison: a small medium at large
22. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
23. When you've seen one shopping centre you've seen a mall.
24. If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.
25. When she saw her first strands of gray hair,
she thought she'd dye !!!
26. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
27. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
28. Acupuncture: a jab well done.

[bennylaird]

All good, must see if I can add them to my vocab?

[scooter]

Good ones Cliff


ringgrip - not just a wrestling move

[Bob38S]

Clever

[DPB]

Thanks, that's my kind of humour.

Try these:

• Sea captains don't like crew cuts.
• A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.
• A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumour.
• A good pun is its own reword.
• A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
• A pessimist's blood type is always B-negative.
• Dijon-vu - the same mustard as before.
• Practice safe eating - always use condiments.
• Shotgun wedding - a case of wife or death.
• A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.
• Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?
• When you dream in colour, it is a pigment of your imagination.
• Corduroy pillows make headlines.

[bennylaird]

We'll have to bury him he said gravely.

Look up on the road, a head! or Look up on the road ahead?

[Paul H]

You have to have a hat to get ahead, but you need to have a head to get a hat

You can force a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead