Wedding Perceptions

[fenderbelly]

Men and women have two distinct views about a wedding. The husband-to-be wakes up in the morning, plays a round of golf and counts the minutes until he has to be at the altar.

The wife-to-be, on the other hand, wakes up in the morning and is panicking. She immediately begins to organize things, making sure everything is in proper order. In her mind she is repeating what she has to do.

"All I have to do is go down the aisle, get to the altar, and listen to the wedding song." She repeats this over and over again, until she begins to shorten it to three words which she continues to repeat...

"Aisle, altar, hymn." "Aisle, altar, hymn." "Aisle, altar, hymn."

[wheelinround]

you and I must know the same people we keep getting the same jokes

[Batpig]

I love Marriage jokes (well, okay - one liners...)

Marriage is a three-ring circus: Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, SuffeRing! (Boom Boom!)

An ideal marriage is one between a blind woman and a deaf man! (Boom Boom!)

Wedding Cake contains a secret ingredient that extinguishes 90% of female sexual drive! (Boom Boom!)

When marrying Miss Right, always check beforehand whether her first name might actually be "Always"! (Boom Boom!)

When your wife asks you "What's on the TV?", never answer "Dust..." (Boom Boom!)

And one for the Ladies:

"Growth" to be aspired to in marriage does not include Nasal Hair... (Boom Boom!)

Best Wishes,
(Cringing too much to identify myself... Don't look at my Avatar! )

[fenderbelly]

I love Marriage jokes (well, okay - one liners...)

Marriage is a three-ring circus: Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, SuffeRing! (Boom Boom!)

An ideal marriage is one between a blind woman and a deaf man! (Boom Boom!)

Wedding Cake contains a secret ingredient that extinguishes 90% of female sexual drive! (Boom Boom!)

When marrying Miss Right, always check beforehand whether her first name might actually be "Always"! (Boom Boom!)

When your wife asks you "What's on the TV?", never answer "Dust..." (Boom Boom!)

And one for the Ladies:

"Growth" to be aspired to in marriage does not include Nasal Hair... (Boom Boom!)

Best Wishes,
(Cringing too much to identify myself... Don't look at my Avatar! )

I rekon your in trouble if there is a Bat woman around

[Ozkaban]

My favourite marriage joke is this one (hope this is not too risque for a lovely family forum as this - I have already tamed it down a bit):

There are three stages of sex in a marriage:
1. House Sex
2. Bedroom Sex
3. Hall Sex.

House Sex is where a couple is newly married, and do it in every room in the house...

Bedroom sex is for when things have calmed down a bit, and it now only occurs in the bedroom with the lights off.

The third type, Hall sex is for couples who have been married for many years, who now only pass each other in the hallway and shout "F#$^ You!!!"

cheers,
Dave

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Married men don't really live longer than single men - it just feels like it!