Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 15 of 16

Thread: New car

  1. #1
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Location
    Murray Bridge SA
    Posts
    293

    Default New car

    Recently I bought a new Lexus IS250 but I had to return it to the dealer the next day because I couldn't get the radio to work.
    The car salesman explained that the radio was voice activated and demonstrated this brilliant feature.
    "Nelson," the salesman called to the radio. The radio then responded "Ricky or Willie?" "Willie!" he called back and immediately the radio burst into song "On The Road Again".
    Then the salesman calls "Ray Charles," and in an instant "Georgia on My Mind" immediately replaces the Willie Nelson song.
    I drove away very happy, and for the next few days, every time I'd say, "Beethoven," I'd receive beautiful classical music for the afternoon.
    Then I would say "Beatles," and I would hear a multitude of those great awesome songs from the 60-80's.
    It was fun and even my girlfriend got into it too.
    "Billy Joel" and up came 'The Piano Man". "Rolling Stones" and up came "Jumpin Jack Flash" plus many other great Stones hits.
    But yesterday, I had the best experience of all.
    A couple of idiots tried to run a red light and I nearly creamed my new car . Luckily I managed to swerve just in time to avoid hitting them.
    I yelled out in anger, " F'n Holes!"
    Guess what !!
    Up came the song " Good old Collingwood for ever ............"
    * I just LOVE this new car! *

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Oct 2014
    Location
    Caroline Springs, VIC
    Posts
    255

    Default

    Booooooo!!!!!!

    Collingwood bashing jokes are always bad.


    Collingwood premiers 2015!!!!

  3. #3
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Location
    Not far enough away from Melbourne
    Posts
    1,384

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Kuffy View Post
    Collingwood bashing jokes are always bad.
    Q: If you see someone in a Collingwood jumper riding a pushbike why must you be extra-careful NOT to hit him?

    A: Because it is more likely to be your bike than his.

    Cheers

    Doug
    I got sick of sitting around doing nothing - so I took up meditation.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Location
    Murray Bridge SA
    Posts
    293

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Kuffy View Post
    Booooooo!!!!!!

    Collingwood bashing jokes are always bad.


    Collingwood premiers 2015!!!!


    Collingwood premiers 2115!!!!

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    Bendigo Victoria
    Age
    80
    Posts
    4,565

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by KBs PensNmore View Post
    Collingwood premiers 2115!!!!
    I see that's in the correct forum.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Location
    Murray Bridge SA
    Posts
    293

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Big Shed View Post
    I see that's in the correct forum.
    I don't foolow any sport so I wouldn't know.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    Queensland
    Posts
    613

    Default

    Have heard of hundreds of types of wood but never the Colling type.

    Is it a soft type or one of the composite types like MDF or chipboard?
    Regards,
    Bob

    Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Location
    Not far enough away from Melbourne
    Posts
    1,384

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Bob38S View Post
    Have heard of hundreds of types of wood but never the Colling type.
    It is similar to dogwood but with only one tooth

    Cheers

    Doug
    I got sick of sitting around doing nothing - so I took up meditation.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Oct 2014
    Location
    Caroline Springs, VIC
    Posts
    255

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by doug3030 View Post
    It is similar to dogwood but with only one tooth

    Cheers

    Doug
    No no no, they have a full set of teeth, but they are all one-eyed

  10. #10
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Location
    Murray Bridge SA
    Posts
    293

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Bob38S View Post
    Have heard of hundreds of types of wood but never the Colling type.

    Is it a soft type or one of the composite types like MDF or chipboard?

    It's a hardwood, really really hard, almost dense.

  11. #11
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Location
    Not far enough away from Melbourne
    Posts
    1,384

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Bob38S View Post
    Have heard of hundreds of types of wood but never the Colling type.

    Is it a soft type or one of the composite types like MDF or chipboard?
    Colling Wood: timber species with the following properties:

    Black heartwood and white sapwood, of limited use as it crumbles under pressure, so not suitable for fine furniture and definitely not suitable for making trophies. Originally grew wild in inner Melbourne suburbs and has somehow spread to other regions. difficult to work with hand tools due to the twisted feather-like grain. Despite these defects it is a favorite with many people. Individual appeal of the timber has been shown to be in inverse proportion to the number of teeth. The timber generally becomes severely stressed in September. Appears to be a hardwood but is actually very soft with little resilience. It was recently tested for suitability for floorboards, but although many found it easy to walk all over it , it did not make the grade.

    Cheers

    Doug
    I got sick of sitting around doing nothing - so I took up meditation.

  12. #12
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Location
    Not far enough away from Melbourne
    Posts
    1,384

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by doug3030 View Post
    Colling Wood: timber species with the following properties:

    Black heartwood and white sapwood, of limited use as it crumbles under pressure, so not suitable for fine furniture and definitely not suitable for making trophies. Originally grew wild in inner Melbourne suburbs and has somehow spread to other regions. difficult to work with hand tools due to the twisted feather-like grain. Despite these defects it is a favorite with many people. Individual appeal of the timber has been shown to be in inverse proportion to the number of teeth. The timber generally becomes severely stressed in September. Appears to be a hardwood but is actually very soft with little resilience. It was recently tested for suitability for floorboards, but although many found it easy to walk all over it , it did not make the grade.
    And does not finish well.
    I got sick of sitting around doing nothing - so I took up meditation.

  13. #13
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Location
    bilpin
    Posts
    510

    Default

    Absorbes alcohol readily and very hard to dry out.

  14. #14
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    Queensland
    Posts
    613

    Default

    So, I guess it is strictly for the birds.
    Regards,
    Bob

    Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.

  15. #15
    Join Date
    Dec 2002
    Location
    SW Sydney
    Age
    75
    Posts
    12

    Default

    Who or What is Collingwood???
    Androgens Order
    Forgive your enemies, but never, ever forget their names.
    The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naïve forgive and forget; the wise forgive but never forget.

Tags for this Thread

Bookmarks

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •