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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun 2000
    Location
    Western Australia
    Age
    78
    Posts
    122

    Default Simplicity of life's issues

    Only in Britain -Complaints to Councils
    Extracts from letters written by council tenants:



    1. It's the dogs mess that I find hard to swallow.

    2. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and
    burnt my knob off.

    3. I wish to complain that my father twisted his ankle very
    badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.

    4. Their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls
    against my fence.

    5. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside
    toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other day that blew them off.

    6. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?

    7. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.

    8. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife
    tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.

    9. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

    10. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster, and
    50% are just plain filthy.

    11. The next door neighbour has got this huge tool that vibrates
    the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.

    12. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until
    it is cleared.

    13. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a
    funny colour and not fit to drink.

    14. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and now is in three pieces.

    15. I want to complain about the farmer across the road. Every
    morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and it's now getting too much for
    me.

    16. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden,
    which is unsightly and dangerous.

    17. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would
    like a third, so please send someone round to do something about it.

    18. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would
    you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me
    every night.

    19. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and
    satisfy my wife..

    20. I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times
    but I still have no satisfaction.

    21. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and
    we can't get BBC2.

    22. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back
    passage has fungus growing in it.
    Johnno

    Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Location
    Murray River, NSW
    Posts
    55

    Default

    Thanks John, just the belly laugh I needed. Number 22 had me in tears.

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