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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul 2004
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    nw coast tasmania
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    Default the market place

    Two soldiers are wandering through the desert, after having become separated from their squad. They're thirsty, heat exhausted and close to collapsing. After reaching the top of a sand dune, they find stretched out before them a large, bustling marketplace. Thinking that it must be a mirage, they draw nearer, until they can hear the sounds and smell the scents, proving that it's real. Overjoyed, they run into the market, up to the first stall they find. They throw some money they have with them at the storeowner, and say "Sir, we need water. We've been wandering for days in the desert."
    The shopowner looks at them sadly, and says, "I'm sorry, all we sell is bowls of fruit and jelly and custard with whipped cream and a cherry on top."
    A little suprised, but not discouraged, the pair of soldiers moves on a large cart, and again ask for water. The merchant apoligises, saying "All we have are bowls of fruit and jelly and custard with whipped cream and a cherry on top. I am sorry sir."
    Sighing, the soldiers continue on to another shop, where they again get the response "All we sell are bowls of fruit and jelly and custard with whipped cream and a cherry on top."
    Again, they continue on, and in every store, they find that all anybody sells are bowls of fruit and jelly and custard with whipped cream and a cherry on top. Store after store, stand after stand, cart after cart, all anybody sells is bowls of fruit and jelly and custard with whipped cream and a cherry on top.
    Eventually, after having asked every storeowner in the marketplace, they leave, resigned to their grim fate. As they trudge back into the desert towards their demise, one turns to the other and says "How odd that we find a bustling marketplace in the middle of this godforsaken desert, and all anyone sells is bowls of fruit and jelly and custard with whipped cream and a cherry on top."
    The other guy looks back, and says, "Yes, it was a Trifle Bazaar, wasn't it?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
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    Canberra
    Age
    45
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    314

    Default

    Ohhh man, that was bad
    I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jul 2000
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    Drop Bear Capital of Gippsland (Lang Lang) Vic Australia
    Age
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    2,238

    Default

    Goat, you should be shot with a ball of your own shyte for that, was funny though
    Stupidity kills. Absolute stupidity kills absolutely.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Apr 2004
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    Werribee, Vic
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    Groooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan

    But I like it

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jul 2004
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    nw coast tasmania
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    Default

    ya thought that was a groaner check out this one

    In the old Soviet Union, a young couple are walking down the street on a cold Moscow night when a slight precipitation begins to fall. The husband looks up, and says, "Oh look, it's raining."
    The wife says, "No, I think it's snowing."
    The husband answers, "I think it's raining, dear..."
    It's about to explode into a full-blown arguement, as these things often do, when they spot a minor Communist Party official walking towards them. The wife suggests, "Well, why don't you ask him and settle it once and for all."
    So the man says, "Good evening, Comrade Rudolph, can you please tell us whether it's raining or snowing?"
    "Why, it's raining, of course," he answers, and walks away.
    But the woman is insistant, saying "I'm sure it is snowing."
    The husband just looks at her, and says, "Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    Queensland
    Posts
    613

    Default

    Oh Dear!

    2 groaners in the same thread :eek::eek:

    "Security, security, someone call security"

    Have to admit - I did chuckle at both

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Location
    Pambula
    Age
    59
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    Yes and Olive, the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names too.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Apr 2004
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    Werribee, Vic
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    Wheres a mod when you need them? I thought I was bad

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
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    Left of the middle
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    Bring them on Goat.......the're that BAD the're good
    100% of all non-smokers die

  10. #10
    Join Date
    May 2003
    Location
    South Oz, the big smokey bit in the middle
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by fred.n View Post
    .......the're that BAD the're good
    No they're not

    Richard

  11. #11
    Join Date
    Jul 2004
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    nw coast tasmania
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    ok you asked for it


    Nearing the end of Autumn the people of a remote Maori village one day asked their chief,- "Was the coming winter going to be a cold or mild one?

    Now this Maori chief had been brought up in modern society and when he looked up at the sky he could not predict what the weather would be, because he had never learned the old ways of his ancestors.
    However, as a chief he needed to advise his people and so to be on the safe side he answered "You must all gather firewood, for it is indeed going to be cold this winter".

    As the days wore on he began to feel a little uneasy about his prediction and so he decided to call the Weather Bureau on his mobile phone. "Is the coming winter going to be cold?", he asked.

    "It looks like this winter will be quite cold indeed" said the Weatherman.

    So the chief went to his people and told them to collect even more firewood to be prepared.

    A week went by and the Chief called the Weather Bureau again and asked, "Is it going to be a very cold winter?"

    "Yes, it is going to be a very cold winter", says the Weatherman.

    Then the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect every scrap of firewood they can find to be prepared.

    A couple of weeks later he rang the Weather Bureau again, "Are you absolutely sure it's going to be a very cold winter?"

    "Oh absolutely!" said the Weatherman,"It's going to be one of the coldest winters ever recorded".

    "How can you be so sure?", says the Chief.

    And the Weatherman replied ....."Because the Maoris are collecting wood like crazy!"

  12. #12
    Join Date
    Jul 2004
    Location
    nw coast tasmania
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    Default

    An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Monte money waster went to the local church for confession. When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said, "Father ... during World War II, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the enemy. So I hid her in my attic."

    The priest replied, "That was a wonderful thing you did, my son! And you have no need to confess that."

    "It's worse than that, Father" said the old man , she started to repay me with sexual favors"

    The priest said, "By doing that, you were both in great danger. However, two people under those tense circumstances can be very tempted to act that way. But if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven."

    "Thank you, Father. That is a great load off my mind. However, I do have one more question."

    "And what is that?" asked the priest.

    "Should I tell her the war is over?"

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