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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Dec 2002
    Location
    SW Sydney
    Age
    75
    Posts
    12

    Default Engineering Phrases (what they really mean)

    Customer satisfaction is assured. (We're so far behind
    schedule that the customer will settle for anything.)

    Please see me / Let's discuss it. (I need your help. I've screwed up again.)

    The project is in process. (It's so tied up in red tape that it's
    completely hopeless.)

    We're trying a number of different approaches. (We're still guessing,
    at this point.)

    Close project coordination. (We met together and had coffee.)

    Years of development. (It finally worked.)

    Energy saving. (Turn off the power to save electricity.)

    We'll have to abandon the entire concept. (The only person who
    understood the thing just quit.)

    We had a major technological breakthrough. (It's boring, but it looks
    high tech.)

    We're preparing a report with a fresh approach. (We just hired a
    couple of kids out of college.)

    Preliminary operational tests proved inconclusive. (It blew up when
    we flipped the switch.)

    Test results proved extremely gratifying. (Yahoo! It actually worked.)

    Tell us what you are thinking. (We'll listen, but if it disagrees
    with what we've already done or are planning to do, forget it.)

    No maintenance. (If it breaks, we can't fix it.)

    Low maintenance. (If it breaks, we're not likely able to fix it.)

    All new. (None of the parts are interchangeable with the previous design.)

    Rugged. (Needs major equipment to lift it.)

    Robust. (More than rugged.)

    Light weight. (A little less than rugged.)

    Fax it to me. (I'm too lazy to write it down.)
    Androgens Order
    Forgive your enemies, but never, ever forget their names.
    The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naïve forgive and forget; the wise forgive but never forget.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    Northern Sydney
    Age
    49
    Posts
    0

    Default

    oh man, the consulting project I've been assigned to is exactly this...

    It'd be funnier, if it didn't make feel like crying!

    "We'll have to abandon the entire concept. (The only person who understood the thing just quit.)"
    is particularly good.

    Cheers,
    Dave
    ...but together with the coffee civility flowed back into him
    Patrick O'Brian, Treason's Harbour

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Oberon, NSW
    Age
    64
    Posts
    0

    Default

    You missed the one I used to cop all the time:

    "It's on on track for this stage." (We're still trying to work out what we're going to do.)
    I may be weird, but I'm saving up to become eccentric.

    - Andy Mc

  4. #4
    Join Date
    May 1999
    Location
    Tooradin,Victoria,Australia
    Age
    74
    Posts
    2,515

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Skew ChiDAMN!! View Post
    You missed the one I used to cop all the time:

    "It's on on track for this stage." (We're still trying to work out what we're going to do.)
    Right place now Skew.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    Sydney,Australia
    Posts
    42

    Default

    Beats the last big IT project I was involved with - 'They' had 2 guys who knew what was going on, one died of cancer and the other jumped under a train a few weeks later. No one would admit to finding any developement notes so the whole thing was rolled out as 'complete and functional', then senior management just abused the workers if anything didn't work.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    Brookfield, Brisbane
    Posts
    0

    Default

    its funny because its true.

    www.carlweiss.com.au
    Mobile Sawmilling & Logging Service
    8" & 10" Lucas Mills, bobcat, 4wd tractor, 12 ton dozer, stihl saws.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    Magill, Adelaide
    Age
    60
    Posts
    213

    Default

    That is funny, I am going to send a copy to my Professor who started teaching me Systems Engineering. He will love it.

    Brislee is bang on too about the bit of putting out a bit of junk and then when it doesn't work blaming the workers. We've all heard the line about the C7@p running downhill.

    STudley
    Aussie Hardwood Number One

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