Results 1 to 10 of 10
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Nov 2003
    Location
    Beachport, South Oz, the best little town on the planet.
    Age
    73
    Posts
    776

    Default Fine Litreatchure

    A classic example of the difference between men and women (especially immature students):

    English professor at an American University: "Today we will experiment With
    a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person Will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then write the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read
    the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking and anything you wish to say must be written on the paper. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached."

    The following was actually turned in by two English students: Rebecca & Gary - last names deleted.

    STORY:

    Rebecca... At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The camomile, which used to be her favourite for lazy
    evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked camomile. But she felt she must now, at all
    costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So camomile was out of the question.
    -------------------------------------------
    Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator.. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit
    sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.
    -------------------------------------------------
    He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and
    bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth - when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered
    wistfully.
    -------------------------------------------------
    Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the
    Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to
    destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine
    headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion which vaporized poor, stupid, Laurie and 85
    million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow 'em out of the sky!"
    -------------------------------------------------
    This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing
    partner is a violent, chauvinistic, semi-literate adolescent.
    -------------------------------------------------
    Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of ******* TEA??? Oh no, I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Mills & Boon novels."
    -------------------------------------------------
    *******.
    -------------------------------------------------
    *****.
    -------------------------------------------------
    ******.
    -------------------------------------------------
    ****.
    -------------------------------------------------
    Get ******.
    -------------------------------------------------
    Eat *****.
    -------------------------------------------------
    **** YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!!
    -------------------------------------------------
    Go drink some tea - ****.
    -------------------------------------------------

    Teacher: A+ I really liked this one.

    Me Too
    Last edited by Shane Watson; 28th September 2004 at 06:22 PM.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Location
    Frankston-Langwarrin VIC
    Age
    61
    Posts
    280

    Default

    Hystirical....No. That looks wrong... How about just damned funny?

    I loved it... So did my missus, oddly enough.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Location
    Kyabram
    Age
    45
    Posts
    171

    Default

    Last edited by Ben from Vic.; 29th September 2004 at 12:17 PM. Reason: wouldn't you like to know

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Location
    Pambula
    Age
    59
    Posts
    5,026

    Default

    ... and not one mention of wood, wooden, or Susan....

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Location
    Perth WA
    Posts
    780

    Default

    There was no Roger.
    Last edited by RETIRED; 29th September 2004 at 02:12 PM. Reason: No "ing" now either.:)
    Squizzy

    "It is better to be ignorant and ask a stupid question than to be plain Stupid and not ask at all" {screamed by maths teacher in Year 8}

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jul 2000
    Location
    Drop Bear Capital of Gippsland (Lang Lang) Vic Australia
    Age
    74
    Posts
    2,238

    Default

    Did Carl actually 'Ing' Laura or whatever her name was ?
    Ing, the new BB obscenity,shame on you vsquiz :mad:
    Stupidity kills. Absolute stupidity kills absolutely.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Location
    Perth WA
    Posts
    780

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Iain
    Did Carl actually 'Ing' Laura or whatever her name was ?
    Ing, the new BB obscenity,shame on you vsquiz :mad:
    Squizzy

    "It is better to be ignorant and ask a stupid question than to be plain Stupid and not ask at all" {screamed by maths teacher in Year 8}

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Location
    Tasmania
    Posts
    248

    Default

    Laura is a what????
    If you can do it - Do it! If you can't do it - Try it!
    Do both well!

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    Kempsey NSW
    Age
    66
    Posts
    192

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by ernknot
    Laura is a what????


    relative!
    Cheers
    Jim

    "I see dumb peope!"

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    Kempsey NSW
    Age
    66
    Posts
    192

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by ernknot
    Laura is a what????


    relative!
    Cheers
    Jim

    "I see dumb peope!"

Tags for this Thread

Bookmarks

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •