Workshops for men only

[dakotax3]

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED by Sunday, 1/4/2012

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL OF THEIR CONTENTS
CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM

Class 1
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays
Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM

Class 2
The Toilet Paper Roll, Does It Change Itself?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub?
Group Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor
Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5
Dinner Dishes
Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM

Class 6
Loss Of Identity
Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7

Learning How To Find Things
Starting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.

Open Forum
Monday at 8:00 PM , 2 hours.

Class 8
Health Watch
Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.
Graphics and Audio Tapes.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost
Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined

Class 10
Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

Class 11
Learning to Live
Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM , location to be determined

Class 12
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM

Class 13

How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy
Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 14
The Stove/Oven
What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM , location to be determined.

Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

[rrich]

She: Let's go shopping for a ....
He: Do you know what you want?
S: Yes
H: Let's go buy it
S: Don't you want to pick out the .....
H: You KNOW what you want. Your taste is so much better than mine. Let's just go buy the ....

[Sturdee]

Good one but slightly corrected for accuracy.

She: Let's go shopping for a ....
He: Do you know what you want?
S: Yes
H: Then go out and buy it by yourself.
S: Don't you want to pick out the .....
H: You KNOW what you want. Your taste is so much better than mine. Just go buy the ....Why do I need to come.

Peter.

[damian]

And the corresponding female classes:

Class 1
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays

How to fill the fridge with beer

Class 2
The Toilet Paper Roll, Does It Change Itself?

The garbage bin: does it put itself out ?

Class 3
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub?

Lifting the seat: a journey of discovery

Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor

Grass, how it grows and how to cut it.

Class 5
Dinner Dishes
Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?

Changing the tap washer.

Class 6
Loss Of Identity
Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.

Dealing with wildlife that's wandered into the house.

Class 7

Learning How To Find Things

Logical organisation and how drawers are more important than colour schemes.

Class 8
Health Watch
Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.

Self restraint and how not to ask questions you don't want answered.

Class 9
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost

Crowded intersections, roundabouts and the need for silence.

Class 10
Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?

Learning to park: spacial awareness.

Class 11
Learning to Live
Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.

Difference between son and husband: I am your lover not your child.

Class 12
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion

Focused purchasing.

Class 13

How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy
Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.

Mind reading and how I can't.

Class 14
The Stove/Oven

Doing shrink fits in a domestic oven: steel, aluminium and mixed materials. Bonus: bearing size calculator!

[AlexS]

Good one Damian. Does class 14 include "Steam bending wood using the microwave"?

[Christos]

Damian, do you live on your own?

[damian]

Damian, do you live on your own?

There are 2 key issues with me and the boss.

1. I lived alone for 20 years and already know how to cook and clean. If I left clothes on the laundry floor I had to pick them up.

2. The boss is completely reasonable (she has to be, she puts up with me). She has asked politely that I leave the seat down and stated her reasons, so I comply. Otherwise she complains very little and puts up with a lot.

The trick with women is picking a good one. A good one demonstrably improves your life. If you get stuck with a dud your best option is topping yourself. Men are probably the same but I wouldn't know...

AlexS: No no no steam bending is such a wonderful pastime it's a whole other course

There is something special about a pie that smells of machine oil...

[dakotax3]

God was just about done creating humans, but he had two parts left over. He couldn't decide how to split them between Adam and Eve so He thought He might just as well ask them. He told them one of the things He had left was a thing that would allow the owner to pee while standing up.

"It's a very handy thing," God told them,"and I was wondering if either one of you had a preference for it."

Well, Adam jumped up and down and begged, "Oh please give that to me! I'd love to be able to do that! It seems like just the sort of thing a mand should have. Please! Pleeease! Give it to me!" On and on he went like an excited little boy.

Eve just smiled and told God that if Adam really wanted it so badly, he could have it. So God gave Adam the thing that allowed him to pee standing up.

Adam was so excited he just started whizzing all over the place - first on the side of a rock, then he wrote his name in the sand, and then he tried to see if he could hit a stump ten feet away - laughing with delight all the while.

God and Eve watched him with amusement and then God said to Eve, "Well, I guess you're kind of stuck with the last thing I have left."

"What's it called?" asked Eve.

"Brains," said God.