Am I an idiot ?

[Phil Spencer]

My 26 year old daughter decided that it was time to flee the family nest this was encouraged by her boyfriend (who shall henceforth be known as Slug Boy), Slug Boy suggusted that daughter sublet a room at a friends house. Dear old Dad wanting to help gave the love of his life some money to buy new furniture and spent all last Saturday trucking her things and assembling furniture while Slug Boy watched on and tried to help.

To digress Slug Boys idea of male bonding conversation is to talk about an unpleasant bowl movement he had in a local McDonald's but I digress.

When I arrived at the house I was immediately concerned new house mate was a nice young lady who had tattoos down around her private regions and she was watching a movie with her mother, Slug Boy assured me that she would be OK as he would stay with my daughter, so against my better judgement I went ahead and unloaded the truck and assembled her new furniture.

On Saturday night there were lots of tears and long discussions between my daughter and Slug Boy, turns out he had changed his mind and decided not to stay with the daughter he was going home because Mummy had put her foot down.

My daughter decided to give it a go lasted one night and has now decided to come back home, so I now have to hire another truck pack up her stuff bring it home and find some where to put it all Slug Boy won't help because he has to stay at home with Mummy (Slug Boy is 25 years old!).

All up I am about of pocket around $2,500.00 and the cost will rise with the hire of another truck etc... Next week daughter and Slug Boy go off for a holiday for the week, Slug Boy won't get his drivers license so daughter has to do all the driving in the car that I gave her.

What is it about the young male generation all they think about is what is in their belly and what hangs off the end of it and they can't let go of the apron strings, where are all the eligible young men or are they all morons?

So am I the worlds biggest idiot for helping and supporting my daughter should I have my self committed? The money that I have wasted I could have used for the spindle moulder that I have been saving up for. Does any other father have these problems?

[Bob38S]

Phil, I feel for you - when it comes down to the kids Fathers just have to do what Fathers have to do - that's the feely good bit for when it comes to your own.

As to the "slug boy" He is 25 going on 8 from the sounds of it and needs to be quickly and firmly jerked back to reality, [perhaps the daughter can have a gentle reality check as well]. He reads up as a money + emotional sponge who will continue to play all around him for a sucker - only while you/your daughter let him.

You mention that they are off for a week's holiday - what about a contribution to your costs?

I could go on and on but I think you get the picture.

Regards,
Bob

[dennford]

That's what parents do (maybe we shouldn't?). I do think though, that your daughter is rather foolish for putting up with what appears to be a "no hoper".

The last time one of mine had a slug boy clone, she finally saw the light -was extremely hurt but slowly got back on track and is now enjoying life (even though she is still paying off some debt that they jointly accrued).

Denn

[Waldo]

Does any other father have these problems?

Thankfully not yet as my little girl is only 3 (almost 4).

Slug Boy sounds like a subtle term for something more. He sounds to me like he needs a Put an old pair of steel caps on so that you can leave it embedded up the date with no concerns of getting it back.

[Pat]

This sounds very familiar. The Daughter was "rescued" from one "Slug Boy" 18 months ago, moved back home for 12 months, met up with another bloke, whom has turned out to be another "Slug Boy" . . . I have expressed my opinion about these so called adult males but she keeps choosing that type

This type, just wants to be waited on hand and foot with a subservient or is it a servant for a partner. I get dragged into helping install stuff at their place, no offer to help and his father is the same.

At least they know not to ask for money, because the response would not be printable

[tea lady]

Jees! Sounds tricky, but a father's got to stick by his daughter doesn't he? If she really wants to move out of home how about helping find a decent place for her. I'd hate to have to do the share house thing these days. It was OK in the inner city where there were a lot of students and artists who were poor, but going somewhere. (And not watching pornos. ) As for slug boy friends, I was hopeless at finding non slugs, so can' t help you there. Ya just got to let them make their own mistakes, but at least tell your daughter what you think of him. And that she is worth more.

[Greg Hall]

Hi Phil,
I reckon you have done well. My eldest daughter (A)was living with her version of Slug Boy, and had an unexpected (if there is such a thing) pregnancy. He was off like a shot interstate, so A wanted to move back home. No room in our humble abode for an adiitional room, so it cost me $50K to have a dependant living unit with 2 bedrooms, lounge/kitchenette and bathroom built on our block.
End result is that we now have a beautiful granddaughter that we see regularly, A is happy to have the support of her familiy around her.
We are on this earth for such a short time, we need to treasure every minute we can with our kids.
That is not to say that when I look at the new room, and see a combination thicknesser, new bandsaw...........

Greg.

[acmegridley]

Let 'em go, they soon find out what life is all about!

[Phil Spencer]

Just came home, wife is up set daughter has taken her anger and confusion out on the one least able to stand up to her, and daughter has gone to her new place, think I will change the locks tonight. If I had known what was to come I would have had a vasectomy before I learnt how to breed.

[rrobor]

When they move out, get rid of the bed. We have a computer room and an exercise room. We still got one to go and he seems to be a fixture. His mum washes and irons white shirts and his collection of ties is starting to clog the house. Being a hater of white shirts and ties it confuses the hell out of me. So when he goes, thats the games room.

[jmk89]

Use the white shirts to apply Danish Oil - that'll get rid of him.....

[Rossluck]

It's just life Phil. Young people have to make their mistakes (unlike us at that age, of course ), and all you can do is what you recently did. You never know, Slug boy may well turn out to be a really good person. Your daughter sees something in him. Do you respect her? If she flicks him now she may well find someone who appears to be perfect, and yet turns out to be a nightmare.

As a Dad you did the right thing. Keep doing it. You can't really control her future. You're actually like a computer on standby, waiting to be brought into action when she needs you. Good luck with it, it's just life.

[tea lady]

When they move out, get rid of the bed. We have a computer room and an exercise room. We still got one to go and he seems to be a fixture. His mum washes and irons white shirts and his collection of ties is starting to clog the house. Being a hater of white shirts and ties it confuses the hell out of me. So when he goes, thats the games room.

Why should he leave. There is a computer room and exercise room!

[Bluegum]

Slug boy sounds a bit like my youngest brother. Just turned 32 and not long got his licence, busted up with his wife after she miscarried and ran off with a younger woman at his work. Moved in with her 2 weeks after he left her and his new girl friend is now pregnant. He hasn't sorted anything out with his wife and its all in limbo. God forbid any of us speaking out against him cause he has his mind set and won't see what he is doing. Must admit I am glad I am living away from them all.

[Kev Y.]

Phil, I feel your pain.. I have had to help move 2 daughters, one to Cairnes, and one to Brisbaine, the one from Cairnes came home after 3 months.

Fathers do for their daughters because we still want to protect them, After all we were once a slug boy ourselves

Might I suggest you do similar to what I once did.. Take "slug boy" out into the workshop, and introduce him to the machines you will use to make his body disappear if he makes your daughters life a misery.

My "slug boy" didn't come back