there are nut cases everywhere!

[Kev Y.]

source - www.theonion.com

Evangelical Scientists Refute Gravity With New 'Intelligent Falling' Theory

KANSAS CITY, KS—As the debate over the teaching of evolution in public schools continues, a new controversy over the science curriculum arose Monday in this embattled Midwestern state. Scientists from the Evangelical Center For Faith-Based Reasoning are now asserting that the long-held "theory of gravity" is flawed, and they have responded to it with a new theory of Intelligent Falling.



Rev. Gabriel Burdett (left) explains Intelligent Falling.
"Things fall not because they are acted upon by some gravitational force, but because a higher intelligence, 'God' if you will, is pushing them down," said Gabriel Burdett, who holds degrees in education, applied Scripture, and physics from Oral Roberts University.

Burdett added: "Gravity—which is taught to our children as a law—is founded on great gaps in understanding. The laws predict the mutual force between all bodies of mass, but they cannot explain that force. Isaac Newton himself said, 'I suspect that my theories may all depend upon a force for which philosophers have searched all of nature in vain.' Of course, he is alluding to a higher power."

Founded in 1987, the ECFR is the world's leading institution of evangelical physics, a branch of physics based on literal interpretation of the Bible.

According to the ECFR paper published simultaneously this week in the International Journal Of Science and the adolescent magazine God's Word For Teens!, there are many phenomena that cannot be explained by secular gravity alone, including such mysteries as how angels fly, how Jesus ascended into Heaven, and how Satan fell when cast out of Paradise.

The ECFR, in conjunction with the Christian Coalition and other Christian conservative action groups, is calling for public-school curriculums to give equal time to the Intelligent Falling theory. They insist they are not asking that the theory of gravity be banned from schools, but only that students be offered both sides of the issue "so they can make an informed decision."

"We just want the best possible education for Kansas' kids," Burdett said.

Proponents of Intelligent Falling assert that the different theories used by secular physicists to explain gravity are not internally consistent. Even critics of Intelligent Falling admit that Einstein's ideas about gravity are mathematically irreconcilable with quantum mechanics. This fact, Intelligent Falling proponents say, proves that gravity is a theory in crisis.

"Let's take a look at the evidence," said ECFR senior fellow Gregory Lunsden."In Matthew 15:14, Jesus says, 'And if the blind lead the blind, both shall fall into the ditch.' He says nothing about some gravity making them fall—just that they will fall. Then, in Job 5:7, we read, 'But mankind is born to trouble, as surely as sparks fly upwards.' If gravity is pulling everything down, why do the sparks fly upwards with great surety? This clearly indicates that a conscious intelligence governs all falling."

Critics of Intelligent Falling point out that gravity is a provable law based on empirical observations of natural phenomena. Evangelical physicists, however, insist that there is no conflict between Newton's mathematics and Holy Scripture.

"Closed-minded gravitists cannot find a way to make Einstein's general relativity match up with the subatomic quantum world," said Dr. Ellen Carson, a leading Intelligent Falling expert known for her work with the Kansan Youth Ministry. "They've been trying to do it for the better part of a century now, and despite all their empirical observation and carefully compiled data, they still don't know how."

"Traditional scientists admit that they cannot explain how gravitation is supposed to work," Carson said. "What the gravity-agenda scientists need to realize is that 'gravity waves' and 'gravitons' are just secular words for 'God can do whatever He wants.'"

Some evangelical physicists propose that Intelligent Falling provides an elegant solution to the central problem of modern physics.

"Anti-falling physicists have been theorizing for decades about the 'electromagnetic force,' the 'weak nuclear force,' the 'strong nuclear force,' and so-called 'force of gravity,'" Burdett said. "And they tilt their findings toward trying to unite them into one force. But readers of the Bible have already known for millennia what this one, unified force is: His name is Jesus."

[Auld Bassoon]

Hi Kev,

Amongst many publications that I subscribe to, one is the fairly venerable "New Scientist". You should read what the contributors to that publication - almost all of whom are scientists or properly educated journalists (possible oxymoron there:eek: ) of impeccable repute - have to say about that "evangelical scientist" twaddle:eek:

Cheers!

[DavidG]

Like with all groups, the outer edge hanger-oners are usually kooks (sp) Nut cases.
Unfortunately some people listen to them as though they where the chosen ones. eg Christianity during the dark ages and Islam now.

[Gingermick]

"Evangelical scientist" is an oxymoron.
And why would God want to push things down? Isn't all that #### about lifting people up:confused:

fairly venerable "New Scientist".

Feedback isn't venerable.

"Let's take a look at the evidence," said ECFR senior fellow Gregory Lunsden."In Matthew 15:14, Jesus says, 'And if the blind lead the blind, both shall fall into the ditch.' He says nothing about some gravity making them fall—just that they will fall. Then, in Job 5:7, we read, 'But mankind is born to trouble, as surely as sparks fly upwards.' If gravity is pulling everything down, why do the sparks fly upwards with great surety? This clearly indicates that a conscious intelligence governs all falling."

I love this. It speaks for itself.
So also the earth is the centre of everything, the earth is flat and , bi gee bi gingo by crikey

[Auld Bassoon]

Hi Mick,

You're quite right - Feedback is anything but:eek: - but still good for a chuckle at the end of a well put together mag.

Cheers!

[doug the slug]

ok while we are on the subject, can anyone answer the question i asked my high school chemistry teacher over 30 years ago?

"It is a generally accepted fact that like charges repel and opposite charges attract. this explains why negatively charged electrons moving at high velocity are captured in an orbit around the nucleus of the atom. but ..... if the nucleus of the atom is comprised of several positively charged protons, what holds them together in the nucleus when their positive charges should be causing them to repel each other???"

anyone got an answer?

My chemistry teacher had a nervous breakdown. i dont think it was this question that caused it but it was probably something else i did.

[Rusty]

what holds them together in the nucleus when their positive charges should be causing them to repel each other???"

Hide glue. The Manhattan Project discovered that fission can occur when warm vinegar is applied to a sufficient quantity of uranium. A higher energy yeild is obtained with the use of spreader clamps. True.

Rusty.

[Auld Bassoon]

Hi Doug,

This is way out of my depth, but I think it has to do with the 'strong' gravitational force, versus the 'weak' electromagnetic force. Yes like charges repel & vice verse, but that's not the only force at play.

For light reading - try Stephen Hawking's book " A Brief History of Time" ISBN 0-593-01518-5. Hawking is one of the most eminent contemporary physics thinkers - he is a Professor of Physics at Cambridge University, and in fact holds the Lucasian Chair there.

Cheers!

[Rusty]

Sure, but what holds the Lucasian Chair together? Hide glue, baby. Q.E.D.

Rusty.

[craigb]

Brudda mate. Way too many words.

I must confess that I didn't read it
Can you condense it to a precis?

[Skew ChiDAMN!!]

There are four fundamental particles in newtonian physics; electrons, protons, neutrons and morons. These can be further broken down into various categories of fermions and bosons but that's getting too quantum for me. Some of the basic characteristics of these particles are that with the first two like repels like, neutrons are... well... neutral and with morons like attracts like.

It would appear that a larger than normal clump of morons has been discovered in Kansas, being given the name of "Evangelical Scientists."

It has also been established that these subatomic particles have their antimatter counterparts, positrons, antiprotons, antineutrons and, I suspect, Islamic Fundamentalists. Oddly, for all that many of their basic characteristics are opposite to their more common counterparts they exhibit exactly the same behaviours as discussed above. Same schit, different bucket.

[singing:] You call it cru-sades, I call it Jihad. You call iot$^##&*^*&**...

[EDIT: We apologise for the inconvenience. Normal transmissions will be resumed as soon as possible.]

[Kev Y.]

Brudda mate. Way too many words.

I must confess that I didn't read it
Can you condense it to a precis?

They believe the earth dont suck.. The great spirit in the sky is pushy

[ivanavitch]

Maybe the earth doesn't suck.
But their theories certainly do.

[Iain]

Would love to see James Randi respond to this.
http://www.randi.org/

[Rocker]

My theory is that nut cases are particularly common in Kansas because of its considerable distance from the ocean. There is must be something in the sea air that clears the mind of superstitions and misconceptions. Perhaps this is why the Religious Right tends to be concentrated in the mid-west. The Australian population has by and large recognised the desirability of living near the coast.

Rocker