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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Dec 2002
    Location
    SW Sydney
    Age
    75
    Posts
    12

    Default Reasons for train delays (UK soon to be NSW)

    A list of actual announcements that London Tube train drivers have
    made to their passengers:

    "Ladies and Gentlemen, I do apologize for the delay to your service.
    I know you're all dying to get home, unless, of course, you happen to
    be married to my ex-wife, in which case you'll want to cross over to
    the Westbound and go in the opposite direction."

    "Your delay this evening is caused by the line controller suffering
    from E & B syndrome: not knowing his elbow from his backside. I'll
    let you know any further information as soon as I'm given any."

    "Do you want the good news first or the bad news? The good news is
    that last Friday was my birthday and I hit the town and had a great
    time. The bad news is that there is a points failure somewhere
    between Stratford and East Ham, which means we probably won't reach
    our destination."

    "We are now traveling through Baker Street ... As you can see, Baker
    Street is closed. It would have been nice if they had actually told
    me, so I could tell you earlier, but no, they don't think about
    things like that".

    "Beggars are operating on this train. Please do NOT encourage these
    professional beggars. If you have any spare change, please give it to
    a registered charity. Failing that, give it to me."

    During an extremely hot rush hour on the Central Line, the driver
    announced in a West Indian drawl: "Step right this way for the sauna,
    ladies nd gentleman... Unfortunately, towels are not provided."

    "Let the passengers off the train FIRST!" (...pause). Oh go on then,
    stuff yourselves in like sardines, and see if I care - I'm going home...."

    "Please allow the doors to close. Try not to confuse this with
    'Please hold the doors open.' The two are distinct and separate instructions."
    Androgens Order
    Forgive your enemies, but never, ever forget their names.
    The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naïve forgive and forget; the wise forgive but never forget.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    belgrave
    Age
    61
    Posts
    0

    Default

    The last two are hilarious. They really need a holiday.
    anne-maria.
    T
    ea Lady

    (White with none)
    Follow my little workshop/gallery on facebook. things of clay and wood.

  3. #3
    rrich Guest

    Default

    Mind the gap!

    Mind the gap!

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    Hell with fluro lighting
    Age
    55
    Posts
    624

    Default

    Im using E & B Syndrome... I like it.
    I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.

    My Other Toys

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    Brookfield, Brisbane
    Posts
    0

    Default

    in brisbane...

    slam, OUTCH!!.

    "doors closing please stand clear."

    www.carlweiss.com.au
    Mobile Sawmilling & Logging Service
    8" & 10" Lucas Mills, bobcat, 4wd tractor, 12 ton dozer, stihl saws.

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