You’re An EXTREME Redneck When

[Ian Smith]

1. You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
2. The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it.
3. You’ve been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
4. You think a woman who is “out of your league” bowls on a different night.
5. You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.
6. Someone in your family died right after saying, “Hey, guys, watch this.”
7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
8. Your wife’s hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
9. Your junior prom offered day care.
10. You think the last words of the “Star-Spangled Banner” are “Gentlemen, start your engines.”
11. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.
12. The Halloween Pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.
13. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
14. One of your kids was born on a pool table.
15. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
16. You can’t get married to your sweetheart because there’s a law against it.
17. You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
Bonus Comment:
An East Texas couple, both real-life rednecks, had 9 children. They went to the doctor to see about getting the husband “fixed”. The doctor asked them why, after nine children would they choose to do this. The husband replied that they had read in a recent article that one out of every ten children being born in North America was Mexican and they didn’t want a Mexican baby because neither of them could speak Spanish.

[Grumpy John]

18. Your dog and your wallet are both on a chain.
19. You walk your eight year old to school because you're both in the same grade.

[Bluegum]

20. When some one asks you for your ID and you show them your belt buckle.
21. If you front porch collapses and kills more than 4 dogs

[opelblues]

22. your know that your in a low crime rate area of the trailer park, when you trailer still has all its wheels

[Grumpy John]

23. You've been accused of lying through your tooth.
24. Someone says you have something stuck in your teeth, and you take them out to have a look.
25. When you take the dog for a walk and you both use the tree at the corner for a toilet.
26. When you wear a dress that's strapless with a bra that isn't.
27. If your wife has ever said, "come move this transmission so I can take a bath".
28. If your neighbours think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home.

[Woodwould]

29. You smother your house (or 'trailer') in lights and garish decorations at Christmas.
30. You defend people who legitimise this form of graffiti in the name of charity.
31. As a traditional Christmas treat, you take your entire family for a drive to see all the decorated houses.
32. You think just because it's the Season of Goodwill that it's acceptable to wear a red bikini trimmed with white faux fur to the supermarket. (Hell, it's OK to do that all year round. Yee-ha!)
33. Your Christmas tree is a seven foot stack of empty beer cans.
34. Your letter to Santa requests a four-barrel Holley, new flanny shirts and a set of mud tyres.
35. You actually receive a bottle of Jim Beam from your twelve year old twins and gift voucher for The Mens Gallery from your mother.

[AlexS]

You people make it sound like these are all bad things.

[AUSSIE]

You people make it sound like these are all bad things.

arn't they? OH thats a redback not a red neck

[rsser]

You prefer to sleep with your houndawgs cos they've got fewer fleas than the liddle lady.
The liddle lady ain't. (Ain't either matter of fact.)
Anyways, the dawgs twitchin tails keep the skeeters away.
You soak your teeth overnight only in the best sourmash - tastes a lot better than toothpaste.

[glock40sw]

Schit...My redneck is showing...I do all these

24. Someone says you have something stuck in your teeth, and you take them out to have a look.
29. You smother your house (or 'trailer') in lights and garish decorations at Christmas.
25. When you take the dog for a walk and you both use the tree at the corner for a toilet.

[rsser]

LOL, this is the best thread I've read in years

Glock, if you've got something to show off why not use the same tree as your dawg.

[Woodwould]

Schit...My redneck is showing...I do all these
29. You smother your house (or 'trailer') in lights and garish decorations at Christmas.

Ok, which is it; house or trailer?

[Sebastiaan56]

33. Your Christmas tree is a seven foot stack of empty beer cans.

Im OK, mine are all stubbies...

[glock40sw]

Ok, which is it; house or trailer?

House...The Trailer got loaned to my brother from another Mother. He has it covered in Christmas lights this year. He also has a Christmas tree that has VB cans hanging from it (Full ones) If he gets thirsty watching Jerry Springer, He just grabs a hot VB off the tree...

[glock40sw]

LOL, this is the best thread I've read in years

Glock, if you've got something to show off why not use the same tree as your dawg.

The Pole-Pizzer puts me to shame in that dept.