Speed Trap

[Tristan Croll]

A man decided that he was going to ride a 10-speed bike from Phoenix to
Flagstaff. He got as far as Black Canyon City before the mountains
justbecame too much and he could go no farther. He stuck his thumb out,
but after 3 hours hadn't gotten a single person to stop. Finally, a guy in
a Corvette pulled over and offered him a ride. Of course, the bike
wouldn't fit in the car. The owner of the Corvette found a piece of rope
lying by the highway and tied it to his bumper.

He tied the other end to the bike and told the man that if he was going
too fast, to honk the horn on his bike and that he would slow down.
Everything went fine for the first 30 miles. Suddenly, another Corvette
blew past them. Not to be outdone, the Corvette pulling the biketook off
after the other. A short distance down the road, the Corvettes, both going
well over 120 mph, blew through a speed trap. The police officer noted the
speeds from his radar gun and radioed to the other officer that he had two
Corvettes headed his way at over 120 mph. He then relayed, "...and you're
not going to believe this, there is a guy on a bike honking his horn
trying to pass....


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Cogito cogito, cogito ergo sum
- I think that I think, therefore I think that I am

[Iain]

Cogito Ergo Sum......I think I therefore so exist????

Pons assinorum boy..pons assinorum

[Tristan Croll]

Actually, I believe the phrase is "pons asinorum" (one s, not two). Besides, how did we get on to geometry? Oh well, you asked for it...


I'm rather partial to the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle version of Euclid's 5th postulate:
Given a line and a point not on a line, the odds are pretty good you won't know the momentum of the point real well, so you may or may not be able to run another line through the point (oh great; now you don't know the momentum of the point AT ALL) that is parallel to the first line (but then you don't know its momentum either; what a mess!), at least not to within Planck's constant.
Then there's the version based on Ian Malcolm's non-explanation of chaos theory in Jurassic Park:
Given a line and -- are you following me so far? -- a point -- you know what a point is, right? How about a strange attractor? A fractal dimension? Want some more buzz words that sound intelligent? -- not on a line, well, give me your hand. Soft. Very good. Anyway, we have this line, see, and a point that -- now here's the tricky part the point is not on the line, not at all; not even all that close, really, but I'm sure someone as attractive as you knows all about that -- sorry for the pun -- my point is -- sorry about that pun, too -- my point is that mathematics is chaotic so mankind shouldn't be messing around with it unless you can get at least a best seller and a movie version with a $200 million gross out of it. See what I mean?
Of course, some people enjoy the Pythonesque version:
Now look, my good man, I took this line and this point, like you so callously recommended, and I passed another line through the point, -- not on the first line, and now that line is dead! It's deceased! It's defunct! It's met its Maker! It's shuffled off it's mortal coil and joined the choir invisible! This is an ex-line!
How about the Star Trek version?
Kirk: Spock, what do your sensors tell you about this region of space? Have we entered (insert overly dramatic gesture here) a *parallel* universe?
Spock: Captain, by definition, that is impossible. Parallel universes, like parallel lines, cannot intersect.
Bones: Why you inhuman, pointy-eared, green blooded Vulcan! This is television! Parallel universes intersect all the time in television! Worf: That's true. Remember when the Enterprise C came through that rift in space ...
Kirk: A Klingon! Phasers on Once_Over_Lightly! Fire! Spock: Klingon, your appearance here is illogical.
Q: Especially since he wasn't even in the "Yesterday's Enterprise" episode. But you poor, pathetic humans wouldn't know about that, would you?
Kirk: (puffs up his chest in a manly fashion) Hey, what are you doing on my ship?
Q: I'm waiting for someone to make an actual statement, so I can show how omnipotent I am by violating it. I should have known you would all be so boring in the meantime.
Kirk: Scotty, get us out of here!
Scotty: But Captain, I canna change the laws of physics! I've got to have thirty minutes, minus commercials!
Kirk: Scotty--

[Iain]

Tristan, sorry, I am only only a humble BSc,B App Sc, Phd and post grad Psych.
Latin was never my strong point and my interpretation was 'Therefore Exist' and "Asses over the Bridge'

Now, a Phd in woodworking............

[Tristan Croll]

More like "bridge of asses" I think. Better known as the nickname of Euclid's fifth proposition (hence the little sidetrack), as the "lesser" students tended to have a lot of trouble "getting over it."

About the other saying, sorry if I got your goat. It's just my little play on that old favourite, "Cogito ergo sum" - DesCartes, wasn't it? I think my version is much more realistic, even if it isn't entirely gramatically accurate.

Now, a PhD in woodturning... I wonder if I can figure out a way to fit that into my degree - and talk the department into letting me do it!

[Iain]

I am enjoying a little intellectual stimulus and quote......
Teaching philosophy in a womens prison....
Putting Descartes before De Whores.

My dear old dad used to quote that one regularly and I still like it.

And politics, I studied at Melbourne Uni and we used to say Melbourne was extreme right wing, Latrobe was extreme left wing and MOnash didn't care what your views were as long as you didn't practise there.
I also took umbrage with the clergy during a weekend session and there was a sign posted for a church service on Sunday "Catholics 10am non Catholics 11am" I changed it to Protestant and non Protestant. Clergy, supposedly non denominational, were most offended................wonder what religion God is?

[This message has been edited by Iain (edited 13 October 2000).]

[RETIRED]

SSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEETTTTTTTTTTTTTT.

Bit heavy for this BB. We try to keep our diatribes so that we, the peasants, can understand 'em.

------------------
Ian () Robertson
"We do good turns every day"

[knuckles]

My Dear

Don't they know. God is a Catholic. I pray that he has mercy on us all. Look what is happening. I thought for a moment we had gone from one wanker to two. They were both speaking in the tongue of the ancient ones. This greatly displeased the Godfather. Especially when the one miss spells the 5th proposition in Euclid, Book I.

I was about to ask yous to please do something about it before they multiply. But then I took another look and decided that I like Tristan's sense of humor. It is a bit sick. My kinda guy. Looks like we're back to just one wanker for now. Thank you God.

All I can say to yous about the unessesary use of the Old Language is this:

Latin is a dead language
As dead, as dead can be.
It killed the Romans long ago,
Like yous are killin' me.

Poetic therapy

Knuckles B.A., B.O., S.O.L., S.F.A., P.O.Q., Col.U.S.M.C.retired, F.U.&U.
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Don't mess with me! I know where yez live and I might just pay yez a visit. Capish?

[This message has been edited by knuckles (edited 14 October 2000).]

[ubeaut]

Nemo mortalium omnibus horis sapit.

Ahhhhh. Very, very true.

Cheers - Neil

[knuckles]

Neil
Non ragioniam de lor ma guarda e passa!
(Dante, Inf iii. 51)

Knuckles

[This message has been edited by knuckles (edited 14 October 2000).]

[ubeaut]

Huh????

[JackoH]

GO GET EM KNUCKLES !!!!

[knuckles]

John - To yous I send my tanks.

Neil

Non ragioniam de lor ma guarda e passa.
"Let us not speak of them but look and pass on."

Would yous also like for me to translate your words from the ancient ones or should we await a translation from those who appear to be wise.

Knuckles

PS The Don applauds your use of the Latin for such a deep and meaningful statement. Bravo paisano.

[ubeaut]

Knuckles - Translate my Latin? Cui bona? For who's benefit?

Let the wise translate it for themselves and all others look upon it in wonderment.

In other words: (Aussie Latin) Youtoucha my Latin, I smasha yourface.

Neil

[Tristan Croll]

Neil, you couldn't be more right.

(Don't worry, I'm not going to reveal your secret, it took me way too long to decipher it myself!)

Tristan Croll B. dulce futui omnis, P.D.Q., TM, S.O.B., F.U.2

Apologies Neil. (I wonder if the BB censor will pick that one up...)