When hell freezes over

[John Saxton]

A HELL OF AN ANSWER

The following is an actual question given on a University of Liverpool chemistry final exam.

The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues via the Internet, which is why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's law that gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that, if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell

Because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay constant, the volume of Hell must expand proportionately as souls are added. This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Sandra during my freshman year, that "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is endothermic and has already frozen over.

The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting anymore souls and is extinct . leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being - which explains why, last night, Sandra kept shouting . . .

"Oh my God."


THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A".

[FenceFurniture]

That's a gem!

[doug3030]

That's a gem!

A very old gem but a gem nonetheless.

[george mavridis]

That's an absolute corker. I wish I was that creative back in my Uni days.

[Dengue]

Brilliant

[rwbuild]

and that gentlemen,is one hell of an answer............

[NCArcher]

That's an absolute corker. I wish I was that creative back in my Uni days.

Actually, no-one is that creative in Uni. It was never an exam question and the original story can be traced back to an article written by Dr Foote for an in house magazine at the Taylor Instrument Company in the 1920s. Probably minus the bit about sleeping with the girlfriend.


Still funny though.

[Bob38S]

I thought it was great.

When I saw the title in the list, my first thought was ........... Here we go, another claim / blame for climate change.

[BobL]

Actually, no-one is that creative in Uni. It was never an exam question and the original story can be traced back to an article written by Dr Foote for an in house magazine at the Taylor Instrument Company in the 1920s. Probably minus the bit about sleeping with the girlfriend.
Still funny though.

20 odd years of marking unit exams and have seen a few interesting things in exams.

The one that sticks in my mind was an answer in a third year Quantum Mechanics Exam. After attempting to answer 2 questions at which the student failed miserably, the answer to the third question was a cartoon that ran across two and a half double pages. The student was a very good artist and drew in pencil detailed indoor scenes of himself playing a guitar in a room with quantum mechanics symbols in thought bubbles coming out of his head and with the notes coming out of the guitar blending to rolling hills, a sunset on a beach and a couple of nice looking women and it went on and on. The student repeated the subject in the following year and passed.

One was a page long whinge about uni life and contained stuff that could have been a suicide note which we had to act on.

Another clever one was an answer clearly showing how the question posed could be looked at in 3 different ways and provided 3 separate answers, for which the student got full marks.

[AlexS]

When I was a surveying student, there was a joke about "How would you use an aneroid barometer to find the height of a building?", to which the joke answer about taking it to the building supervisor, and giving it to him if he'd tell you the height of the building.
We were warned that such a question could crop up, and if we gave the joke answer, we'd receive no marks.
Sure enough, the question came up. I gave the answer that was wanted, describing the calculations, but also the 'correct' answer - I wouldn't, there are more accurate ways to measure a building's height. I also gave several answers that would be more or less accurate if I had to use one, involving dropping it and timing the fall, swinging it on a piece of string and timing the swing, or tying it to a survey chain and dangling it off the building. I received full marks, minus 1 for being a smartarse.