the market place

[goat]

Two soldiers are wandering through the desert, after having become separated from their squad. They're thirsty, heat exhausted and close to collapsing. After reaching the top of a sand dune, they find stretched out before them a large, bustling marketplace. Thinking that it must be a mirage, they draw nearer, until they can hear the sounds and smell the scents, proving that it's real. Overjoyed, they run into the market, up to the first stall they find. They throw some money they have with them at the storeowner, and say "Sir, we need water. We've been wandering for days in the desert."
The shopowner looks at them sadly, and says, "I'm sorry, all we sell is bowls of fruit and jelly and custard with whipped cream and a cherry on top."
A little suprised, but not discouraged, the pair of soldiers moves on a large cart, and again ask for water. The merchant apoligises, saying "All we have are bowls of fruit and jelly and custard with whipped cream and a cherry on top. I am sorry sir."
Sighing, the soldiers continue on to another shop, where they again get the response "All we sell are bowls of fruit and jelly and custard with whipped cream and a cherry on top."
Again, they continue on, and in every store, they find that all anybody sells are bowls of fruit and jelly and custard with whipped cream and a cherry on top. Store after store, stand after stand, cart after cart, all anybody sells is bowls of fruit and jelly and custard with whipped cream and a cherry on top.
Eventually, after having asked every storeowner in the marketplace, they leave, resigned to their grim fate. As they trudge back into the desert towards their demise, one turns to the other and says "How odd that we find a bustling marketplace in the middle of this godforsaken desert, and all anyone sells is bowls of fruit and jelly and custard with whipped cream and a cherry on top."
The other guy looks back, and says, "Yes, it was a Trifle Bazaar, wasn't it?

[JDub]

Ohhh man, that was bad

[Iain]

Goat, you should be shot with a ball of your own shyte for that, was funny though

[bennylaird]

Groooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan

But I like it

[goat]

ya thought that was a groaner check out this one

In the old Soviet Union, a young couple are walking down the street on a cold Moscow night when a slight precipitation begins to fall. The husband looks up, and says, "Oh look, it's raining."
The wife says, "No, I think it's snowing."
The husband answers, "I think it's raining, dear..."
It's about to explode into a full-blown arguement, as these things often do, when they spot a minor Communist Party official walking towards them. The wife suggests, "Well, why don't you ask him and settle it once and for all."
So the man says, "Good evening, Comrade Rudolph, can you please tell us whether it's raining or snowing?"
"Why, it's raining, of course," he answers, and walks away.
But the woman is insistant, saying "I'm sure it is snowing."
The husband just looks at her, and says, "Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."

[Bob38S]

Oh Dear!

2 groaners in the same thread :eek::eek:

"Security, security, someone call security"

Have to admit - I did chuckle at both

[silentC]

Yes and Olive, the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names too.

[bennylaird]

Wheres a mod when you need them? I thought I was bad

[fred.n]

Bring them on Goat.......the're that BAD the're good

[Daddles]

.......the're that BAD the're good

No they're not

Richard

[goat]

ok you asked for it


Nearing the end of Autumn the people of a remote Maori village one day asked their chief,- "Was the coming winter going to be a cold or mild one?

Now this Maori chief had been brought up in modern society and when he looked up at the sky he could not predict what the weather would be, because he had never learned the old ways of his ancestors.
However, as a chief he needed to advise his people and so to be on the safe side he answered "You must all gather firewood, for it is indeed going to be cold this winter".

As the days wore on he began to feel a little uneasy about his prediction and so he decided to call the Weather Bureau on his mobile phone. "Is the coming winter going to be cold?", he asked.

"It looks like this winter will be quite cold indeed" said the Weatherman.

So the chief went to his people and told them to collect even more firewood to be prepared.

A week went by and the Chief called the Weather Bureau again and asked, "Is it going to be a very cold winter?"

"Yes, it is going to be a very cold winter", says the Weatherman.

Then the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect every scrap of firewood they can find to be prepared.

A couple of weeks later he rang the Weather Bureau again, "Are you absolutely sure it's going to be a very cold winter?"

"Oh absolutely!" said the Weatherman,"It's going to be one of the coldest winters ever recorded".

"How can you be so sure?", says the Chief.

And the Weatherman replied ....."Because the Maoris are collecting wood like crazy!"

[goat]

An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Monte money waster went to the local church for confession. When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said, "Father ... during World War II, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the enemy. So I hid her in my attic."

The priest replied, "That was a wonderful thing you did, my son! And you have no need to confess that."

"It's worse than that, Father" said the old man , she started to repay me with sexual favors"

The priest said, "By doing that, you were both in great danger. However, two people under those tense circumstances can be very tempted to act that way. But if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven."

"Thank you, Father. That is a great load off my mind. However, I do have one more question."

"And what is that?" asked the priest.

"Should I tell her the war is over?"