PONDERISMS for Allan

[Calm]

I used to eat a lot of natural foods
until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it.
If itcomes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.

Life is sexually transmitted.

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.


The only difference between a groove and a grave is the depth.


Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.


Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?


Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again

All of us could take a lesson from the weather.
It pays no attention to criticism.

In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird.
Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.


How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?


Who was the first person to look at a cow and say,'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?'

Who was the first person to say, 'See that chicken?
I'm going to eat the next thing that comes out of its butt.'

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares,
why is there a song about him?

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?


Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride; he sticks his head out the window?


Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Do you ever wonder why you gave me your email address?

[Allan at Wallan]

Geez Dave, you know how to shake a bloke up.

A lot of those ponderisms relate to health, hospitals and
death. Have you forgotten that in less than 48 hours I will
be on the operating table for my gall bladder removal.

I am now pondering, pondering, pondering.

Allan

[tea lady]

A lot of those ponderisms relate to health, hospitals and
death. Have you forgotten that in less than 48 hours I will
be on the operating table for my gall bladder removal.



Allan

At least you won't be there for nothing.

[ToothFairy]

Nah. He'll be in there for about $700 a day . . .

- Michael

[rrich]

Nah. He'll be in there for about $700 a day . . .

- Michael

I was in the hospital for three days with a heart attack and having a stent inserted. The total bill was over $65,000.

[rsser]

Allan, insist on contingency fees

(Hope it goes well.)

rrich, you live in the land of the brave and the free ... the quacks are brave enough to charge freely!