Top 8 Morons of 2006

[Breslauer]

1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP? AT&T fired President John
Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He
received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.

2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS: Police in Oakland, CA spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the police line, shouting, "Please come out and give yourself up."

3. WHAT WAS PLAN B??? An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun,
kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated
teller machines, wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from
his own bank accounts.

4. THE GETAWAY! A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too
small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.

5. DID I SAY THAT??? Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a
robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When
detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words: "Give me
all your money or I'll shoot", the man shouted, "that's not what I said!" .

6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING??? A man spoke frantically into the phone: "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart". "Is
this her first child?" the doctor asked. "No!" the man shouted, "This
is her husband!"

7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED! In Modesto, CA, Steven
Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America
branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a
gun. Unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket.
(hellooooooo)!

8. THE GRAND FINALE!!! Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in
the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, CA, some folks, new to
boating, were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they
couldn't get their brand new 22 foot boat, going. It was very sluggish
at almost every maneuver, no matter how much power they applied. After
about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted into a nearby marina, thinking someone there may be able to tell them what was wrong.
A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working
condition. The engine ran fine, the out-drive went up and down, and
the propeller was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina
guys jumped in the water to check underneath.
He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard. NOW
REMEMBER...THIS IS TRUE.


Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer!

[Bleedin Thumb]

I thought that the trailer straps go over the boat?

[Big Shed]

I thought that the trailer straps go over the boat?

BT, never spoil a good story with facts

[silentC]

Not necessarily. A lot of boats are held on by the winch cable at the front and a couple of straps that go from hooks on the whatchmacalit board at the back down to the trailer. It's feasible for someone to not see them when the boat's in the water.

[Barry_White]

Not necessarily. A lot of boats are held on by the winch cable at the front and a couple of straps that go from hooks on the whatchmacalit board at the back down to the trailer. It's feasible for someone to not see them when the boat's in the water.

Woudn't be sure but I think it's called the transom.

[silentC]

That's it. Went fishing a couple of weeks ago and we were trying to launch the boat. Wondered why the bloody thing wouldn't come off the trailer. Then my mate realised he'd forgotten to take the straps off. Easier to miss than you might think.

[Bleedin Thumb]

You would still have to unhook the trailer, safety chain, electics...I guess someone could be that stupid but its hard to imagine.....
How would you launch it? the trailer would go down the boatramp fast and I mean real fast then it would just stop unless you had a very deep dropoff.

[silentC]

http://www.snopes.com/humor/jokes/isabella.htm

[Bleedin Thumb]

Its funny how these stories just go around and around like Chinese wispers.

[Jack Plane]

A few ore to add to the list:

IDIOTS OF 2006

Number One Idiot of 2006
I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room right away.
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Number Two Idiot of 2006
Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer employed at Boeing.
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Number Three Idiot of 2006
A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the Branch and wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to the Wells Fargo Bank. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Number Four Idiot of 2006
A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40. Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained another picture, this time of handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his $40.
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Number Five Idiot of 2006
A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said, "Because I don't believe you are over 21." The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because she didn't believe him. At this point, the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and she put the Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.
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Idiot Number Six of 2006
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot and killed him.
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Idiot Number Seven of 2006
Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back knocking him unconscious. It seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on videotape.

[Bleedin Thumb]

Groooaaaaan, please stop rehashing this internet tripe!