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  1. #46
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
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    Kempsey NSW
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    That reminds me of this little clanger concerning someone who is a little daft.

    "He wouldn't know that a tractor was up him until the bank came to repossess it!"
    Cheers
    Jim

    "I see dumb peope!"

  2. #47
    Join Date
    Jul 2000
    Location
    Drop Bear Capital of Gippsland (Lang Lang) Vic Australia
    Age
    75
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    2,238
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    Quote Originally Posted by hovo
    That reminds me of this little clanger concerning someone who is a little daft.

    "He wouldn't know that a tractor was up him until the bank came to repossess it!"
    Melbourne version, which I had forgotten until now:
    Wouldn't know a Melbourne tram was up him unless they rung the bell.
    Lights are on but no ones home.
    Last edited by RETIRED; 26th June 2005 at 11:01 PM.
    Stupidity kills. Absolute stupidity kills absolutely.

  3. #48
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    Mackay Qld
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    50
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    Half a bubble off plumb

    Photographic memory with the lense cap on

    As clever as Warnie
    Mick

    avantguardian

  4. #49
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Location
    Bunbury W.A.
    Age
    56
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    A coupla kangaroos short in the top paddock.

    A coupla sandwiches short of a picnic
    if you always do as you have always done, you will always get what you have always got

  5. #50
    Join Date
    May 2003
    Location
    Melbourne, Victoria
    Age
    50
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    641
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    Mine are about the people I generally deal with:

    "MUPPET" - Most useless police person ever trained.

    "Negative tooth to IQ ratio".

    "He/She is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot".

    "Head like a smashed crab"
    Is there anything easier done than said?
    - Stacky. The bottom pub, Cobram.

  6. #51
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Location
    Christies Beach
    Age
    60
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    "Do Bears **** in the woods?"

    "Suffering Ars3holes"

    "It'll be ready in a Cubic Fortnight"

    "Cork Head" (Usually in reference to eldest son! )
    Last edited by RETIRED; 26th June 2005 at 11:02 PM. Reason: and moderators get the rest.
    The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
    Albert Einstein

  7. #52
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
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    Kempsey NSW
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    And my personal favourite
    "I'll never forget old whats his name?"


    And on a more serious note "What happened to Tankstand's old avatar?"
    Cheers
    Jim

    "I see dumb peope!"

  8. #53
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Location
    Melbourne - Outer East Foothills
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    My Dad always said to me "suffer fools gladly"

    he knew I couldn't
    If at first you don't succeed, give something else a go. Life is far too short to waste time trying.

  9. #54
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    Romsey Victoria
    Age
    64
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    2,102
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    I spent a couple of days this week in Brisvegas. An expat Victorian taxi driver said "I'd be in more ***** than a Werribee duck".

    Only funny to those who know about Werribee.
    Photo Gallery

  10. #55
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    attadale. wa
    Age
    78
    Posts
    15
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    "The best part of him went on the sheets"

    My Father in law describing a moron he met.
    Sorry,
    Lionel.

  11. #56
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    Brisbane
    Age
    53
    Posts
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    Its funny what expression you use and don't even realise.


    Found myself use "laughing like a fat spider" again today.
    Specializing in O positive timber stains

  12. #57
    Join Date
    May 2003
    Location
    South Oz, the big smokey bit in the middle
    Age
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    I'm amazed at how many of these I haven't heard.

    Richard

  13. #58
    Join Date
    May 2003
    Location
    Kuranda, paradise, North Qld
    Age
    63
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    "Fits like a glove on a chicken's lip"
    "would put a horn on a jelly fish"
    "fugly"
    "rough as guts"

    and in moments of extreme anger (or pain) "f#%k me dead!"

    Mick
    "If you need a machine today and don't buy it,

    tomorrow you will have paid for it and not have it."

    - Henry Ford 1938

  14. #59
    Join Date
    May 2003
    Location
    Melbourne, Victoria
    Age
    50
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    641
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    Quote Originally Posted by journeyman Mick
    "fugly"


    Ugly as a hat full of asreholes


    Quote Originally Posted by The Big O
    "The best part of him went on the sheets"

    His mother should have settled for the HJ.
    Is there anything easier done than said?
    - Stacky. The bottom pub, Cobram.

  15. #60
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    Too close to Sydney
    Posts
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    This is an english translation of one I heard

    "Im that lucky that out of a hamper full of female body parts, I would pull out a penis."

    Did I mention that it was also cleaned up just a bit.

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