Poets corner.............

[bitingmidge]

White shiny and red!
The hat on my head!
The red being splatters of blood!

Oh goodness dear Driver
if I'm a survivor
I'll need help to clean up the crud.

Do you think it's an axe that he'll aim at my head?
Do you think that he's hoping that I'll end up dead?
Or is this a tip from the one true Ozwinner?

In red and white colours his horse will run first
maybe start late, then with a late burst
will take home the cup and make him a grinner?

[Caliban]

Oh, tis a sad tale
That I've missed all this while
Coz I've been adding (against all best reason)
to tales of giants, and crabtree and Susan.

Could Oz be the fiend? If you know what I mean?
To take Silent and Midge from their mummy?
Or has Kenmill come back, Lurking there on the track
To wipe them out with a spit of his dummy?

Will save the day, in his gentlemanly way
Or will Chris, who once was doorstop,
the prudes to dismay, come back from hell (well, half way)
and clobber the bastard with ... (something)

Oh, she who must be obeyed
has just entered the fray
So you're all saved from anymore bad rhyming.

[bitingmidge]

I'm sorry you're late
Dear Hovo old mate
Though for your poem I really can't praise ya

You've given relief
although very brief;
our poems are like slow euthenasia.

I'm leaving tonight
to fight the good fight
and I will take the road by the beach

On Wednesday I'll find
if we can have peace of mind
Or the Viccy boy's we should impeach?

[ozwinner]

Heading south to Al's nice shop
On a plane Midge did hop
First class all the way
'Cause someone else got to pay
Landing here in the morn
Just before the crack of dawn

Up to Al's place in a cab
Driven by some friendly A-rab
Melbournes weather was discused
But Midge was not all that fussed

Did you pack your thermal jocks
BTW where did you stash your socks
Stashed away in your derps
looks like youve been on the terps

To Al's shop he did venture
This was Midge's big southern adventure
Hours and hours they did talk
Talking, talking, dork to dork

[Driver]

So - on the surface at least,
Seems like Al's been released.
The Craporium's back in his charge.

And, if this is so,
What we'd all like to know:
Is the imposter now still at large?

Or did Midge and Ozwinner
Do away with the sinner?
If so, where the hell's the cadaver?

Have they had time to fashion
A casket - even a gash 'un?
Or did they just sling him in t'river?

[Driver]

Of course - it could be
That all the time we
Have been wrong and Al wasn't in trouble.

So our efforts at rhyming
Even those where the timing
Was crappy and scanned like mere rubble ( )

Have been describing a threat
That hasn't, as yet,
Become at all realistic.

For Treasure on Plenty
Is apparently empty
Of imposters - and here Al is spick

And span
All according to plan,
Comfortably plying his trade.

Running the emporium
The famous Craporium
Supervised by She Who Must Be Obeyed!

[silentC]

So who could it be,
That is so filled with glee,
At the sight of Midge to-ing and fro-ing.

I'll bet it's the pope,
Of the slippery slope,
That bounder, the great Derek Cohen!

[Driver]

Darren, that's it! - It's Darth Cohen
Who's been getting all of us goin'.
Not content with having us sliding
Down the slippery slope - he's now hiding

Behind the innocent crap purveyor,
The guiltless, blameless surveyor
Of pre-loved and valued knick-knackery
For second-hand sale to the jacquerie.

But Derek - you've been, you see,
Unmasked by the same SilentC
Who had raised, in an earlier post
The suspicion that 'twas this thread's host

Who had planned the assassination
Of woodies all over the nation
But now all is transparent
'Tis the dark side, that's apparent,

That's causing the mischief,
That's taking the ****, chief!
And ...

[silentC]

... although the meter has changed,
To a pace that's almost deranged,

We'll go on without even blinking,
Till you wonder what we've been drinking.
So sharpen your blades 'till they're scary,
And can shave your arms big and hairy.

The end grain of pine is the best,
For the edge of your blade so to test.
And soon your handplane collection,
Will require a workshop extension.

Your wife will think you've gone troppo,
Pretty soon it's too late to stop. Oh,
When you're best friends are Stanley and Pope,
You've slid down the slippery slope.

[Driver]

(Slight diversion - and another change of meter

Our illustrious colleague,craigb,
In another thread, recently,
On the subject of pronunciation

Mentioned Mainwaring of Dad's Army
Not realising the amount of harm 'e
Might inflict on the woodworking nation.

Yet another old pommy TV show
Full of odd characters we know
To populate threads in the Woodies Yarn Forum

This raises a serious question:
Can the BB cope with the ingestion
Of a full cast of characters increasing the quorum

Of ...

[bitingmidge]

If I may re-digress for just a mo....on the question of Oz's guilt?

...and so it was that we did drive
right around Victoria
trying hard to stay alive
till we could find Craporia.

He ducked and weaved and wasn't there :eek:
counting not on our resilience.
But searching calmly and with care
we hatched a plan of brilliance.

Not once, but twice we staked his place
till near our plane's departure
You should hae seen how looked his face
When we both shouted "Got ya"
(to be pronounced "gartcha" with apologies to Joe the Seppo)

We shook hands and mine were cut
by his rough paws (and twice!).
When we had gone I thought this but:
"He's really rather nice!!!"



Now where were we????

[echnidna]

This threads too hard,
I don't have the time,
To make things rhyme,
......
Gawd , I'm a Poet,
And I didn't know it!!!

[bitingmidge]

Please turn off your computers and go to bed. If it was bad before, it now takes a turn very much for the worse!!
(Best???? Sung to the tune of Gilbert and Sullivan's "Modern Major General"!)

This raises a serious question:
Can the BB cope with the ingestion
Of a full cast of characters increasing the quorum

Of ...

....of questions astronomical
it seems to be ironical
that a Bear in drawings comical
who wore a Frenchman's monical
and quotes from Billy Connolly
would draft a little homoly
of bods that couldn' t possibly
be any longer on TV.

Can they be with you and me
to talk of wood work's GLORIUM?.

We've Russell Coight and Mainwairing
and Yogi bear and Billy thing.
Silvester's been and Porky Pig
and Foghorn's even had his gig.
While Darth and others dance a jig
and Bart and Homer both we dig
there's Tweety bird and Bunyip big
and Batman wearing not a wig.

Steptoe's head is not too big
to post from his CRAPORIUM.

There's talk of tools and other things
and news of special offerings
from all our favourite Bunnings.
We all will go a scampering
to waste our time computering
so that we know when hankering
for shed time and some thinkering
we'll bring constructive tinkering

That's why we all stay lingering
in this our WOODIES FORIUM.


Cheers,
P (poet; retired!)

[Driver]

Brilliant work, BM!

Tried to give you a greenie and couldn't, so I owe you one.

This poet is also now retired.

[silentC]

Can't argue with that