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  1. #46
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    Kempsey NSW
    Age
    66
    Posts
    192

    Default

    That reminds me of this little clanger concerning someone who is a little daft.

    "He wouldn't know that a tractor was up him until the bank came to repossess it!"
    Cheers
    Jim

    "I see dumb peope!"

  2. #47
    Join Date
    Jul 2000
    Location
    Drop Bear Capital of Gippsland (Lang Lang) Vic Australia
    Age
    74
    Posts
    2,238

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by hovo
    That reminds me of this little clanger concerning someone who is a little daft.

    "He wouldn't know that a tractor was up him until the bank came to repossess it!"
    Melbourne version, which I had forgotten until now:
    Wouldn't know a Melbourne tram was up him unless they rung the bell.
    Lights are on but no ones home.
    Last edited by RETIRED; 26th June 2005 at 11:01 PM.
    Stupidity kills. Absolute stupidity kills absolutely.

  3. #48
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    Mackay Qld
    Age
    50
    Posts
    1,039

    Default

    Half a bubble off plumb

    Photographic memory with the lense cap on

    As clever as Warnie
    Mick

    avantguardian

  4. #49
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Location
    Bunbury W.A.
    Age
    56
    Posts
    294

    Default

    A coupla kangaroos short in the top paddock.

    A coupla sandwiches short of a picnic
    if you always do as you have always done, you will always get what you have always got

  5. #50
    Join Date
    May 2003
    Location
    Melbourne, Victoria
    Age
    50
    Posts
    641

    Default

    Mine are about the people I generally deal with:

    "MUPPET" - Most useless police person ever trained.

    "Negative tooth to IQ ratio".

    "He/She is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot".

    "Head like a smashed crab"
    Is there anything easier done than said?
    - Stacky. The bottom pub, Cobram.

  6. #51
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Location
    Christies Beach
    Age
    60
    Posts
    54

    Default

    "Do Bears **** in the woods?"

    "Suffering Ars3holes"

    "It'll be ready in a Cubic Fortnight"

    "Cork Head" (Usually in reference to eldest son! )
    Last edited by RETIRED; 26th June 2005 at 11:02 PM. Reason: and moderators get the rest.
    The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
    Albert Einstein

  7. #52
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    Kempsey NSW
    Age
    66
    Posts
    192

    Default

    And my personal favourite
    "I'll never forget old whats his name?"


    And on a more serious note "What happened to Tankstand's old avatar?"
    Cheers
    Jim

    "I see dumb peope!"

  8. #53
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Location
    Melbourne - Outer East Foothills
    Posts
    1,557

    Default

    My Dad always said to me "suffer fools gladly"

    he knew I couldn't
    If at first you don't succeed, give something else a go. Life is far too short to waste time trying.

  9. #54
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    Romsey Victoria
    Age
    63
    Posts
    2,102

    Default

    I spent a couple of days this week in Brisvegas. An expat Victorian taxi driver said "I'd be in more ***** than a Werribee duck".

    Only funny to those who know about Werribee.
    Photo Gallery

  10. #55
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    attadale. wa
    Age
    78
    Posts
    15

    Default

    "The best part of him went on the sheets"

    My Father in law describing a moron he met.
    Sorry,
    Lionel.

  11. #56
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    Brisbane
    Age
    53
    Posts
    108

    Default

    Its funny what expression you use and don't even realise.


    Found myself use "laughing like a fat spider" again today.
    Specializing in O positive timber stains

  12. #57
    Join Date
    May 2003
    Location
    South Oz, the big smokey bit in the middle
    Age
    68
    Posts
    1,914

    Default

    I'm amazed at how many of these I haven't heard.

    Richard

  13. #58
    Join Date
    May 2003
    Location
    Kuranda, paradise, North Qld
    Age
    63
    Posts
    2,026

    Default

    "Fits like a glove on a chicken's lip"
    "would put a horn on a jelly fish"
    "fugly"
    "rough as guts"

    and in moments of extreme anger (or pain) "f#%k me dead!"

    Mick
    "If you need a machine today and don't buy it,

    tomorrow you will have paid for it and not have it."

    - Henry Ford 1938

  14. #59
    Join Date
    May 2003
    Location
    Melbourne, Victoria
    Age
    50
    Posts
    641

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by journeyman Mick
    "fugly"


    Ugly as a hat full of asreholes


    Quote Originally Posted by The Big O
    "The best part of him went on the sheets"

    His mother should have settled for the HJ.
    Is there anything easier done than said?
    - Stacky. The bottom pub, Cobram.

  15. #60
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    Too close to Sydney
    Posts
    133

    Default

    This is an english translation of one I heard

    "Im that lucky that out of a hamper full of female body parts, I would pull out a penis."

    Did I mention that it was also cleaned up just a bit.

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