Dumb things I've done

[scooter]

In my first week as a Jim's Mowing fella, I cut off a water meter with a brushcutter...

[Big Shed]

What did you do in the second week?

[Sir Stinkalot]

When I was a younger we had meat loaf for dinner. After we had finished I say a little blob of what I thought was meat loaf on the bench. I ate it as quick as a flash only to find out a few moments later that it was cat food.

[Iain]

Adding bleach at the end of a long cooked curry doesn't tatse as good as vinegar.
Which is why I never buy 'no name' products that share same bottles, bloody SWMBO.
However, the pizza that night was good.

[JDarvall]

I push on doors that say pull......and pull on doors that say push a lot.

[stevebaby]

Well that'll serve you right for owning (or even admitting to owning) an aftershave balm

Balm is one of those words that if you say it over and over it starts to sound like a nonsense word. Balm balm balm balm balm. See, what a silly word it is

Say it really fast and it gets even sillier.
It's addictive...but I know you'll all do it anyway.

[Termite]

Went to watch my grandson play cricket this morning and at the first good shot I started to clap.........completely forgetting that I had both carpal tunnels operated on a week ago.

[q9]

I was making coffee one morning at work...obviously needed it...we had the little UHT milks they put in the rooms. So anyways, I put the sugar and coffee in the cup, then open the UHT (actually it was 2 of them) and proceed to pour BOTH (as in one after the other) directly into the bin and I throw the empty containers in afterwards...

I am not, repeat NOT, a morning person!

[q9]

I push on doors that say pull......and pull on doors that say push a lot.

I find it takes me around 15 minutes to get through a door that says pull...

[Doughboy]

As a chef I have seen some doozies and unfortunately had two happen to me.

First one I had served a freshly cooked Sticky Date Pudding (made from a long departed relatives recipe) with my own Butterscotch Sauce, again a fresh batch had been made. It looked pretty nice on the plate and to finish it off I thought some icing sugar might do nicely .... and out it goes only to be returned in a few minutes complaining that it tasted aweful and maybe I should make a new batch. I was rather dark as it is one of my signature dishes. So I taste it, then throw it quietly in the bin and hurriedly serve another piece and send out. this time without the icing sugar or should i say bi-carb soda that had mistakenly been put in the shaker. Man that tasted disgusting.

The second time we were serving a function (50th b'day I think from memory) it was an easy one 200 people. Two entrees, two mains and two desserts all served alternatively so no hassles nice and easy .... you would think. Cannot remember the entrees or the desserts but the mains were Roasted Lamb Rump with cranberry Glaze and accompaniments or North Qld Baby Barramundi grilled, served with lemon butter and accompaniments. I served about a dozen and had a return on the fish. It was still in the plastic wrap that they are packed in. The apprentice had missed it in the preparation phase. The one saving grace that it was one of the owners friends that got it and the worst part about it was that it was one of the owners friends that got it.

That week I had some very fast talking to do to the big kahuna. He ended up laughing about it after he had got some distance out of my predicament.

Pete

[Malibu]

Had a friend over a while ago and offered her coffee... I thought I'd pass on the coffee and indulge in a scotch & coke instead.

(yaking and listening all the time)

Boil the water, coffee in the cup, sugar... out with the scotch and into the glass.

(yak, yak, yak... listen, listen, listen)

Off I go to the fridge and get the milk and coke...

(yak, yak, yak, listen, listen, listen)

Naturally, the milk goes in with the scotch, doesn't it?
Because that's where I put it

(yak, yak, yak......... silence)

[rrich]

Naturally, the milk goes in with the scotch, doesn't it?
Because that's where I put it

In my youth, a doctor advised me to mix my scotch with milk due to an ulcer.

It ain't that bad.

[AlexS]

In my youth, a doctor advised me to mix my scotch with milk due to an ulcer.

It ain't that bad.

I didn't realise straight milk was bad for an ulcer.

[Zed]

once when a mere whipper snapper..

chinese resaurtaunt,

bloke next to me orders the hottest chilli,

I think its sweet & sour. scoop it onto me prawn (*****BIG DOB****)

throw up in the bathroom fo the next 30 mins with exploding mouth.

what a wanka...!!

[Rookie]

My friend's Dad found out the preparation H looks like toothpaste when you wake up hung over.

Yeah yeah I know. Now he's got receding gums and a ring of confidence.

Boom Boom