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  1. #31
    Join Date
    May 2004
    Location
    Pakenham, outer Melb SE suburb, Vic
    Age
    55
    Posts
    549

    Default

    In my first week as a Jim's Mowing fella, I cut off a water meter with a brushcutter...


    The beatings will continue until morale improves.

  2. #32
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    Bendigo Victoria
    Age
    80
    Posts
    4,565

    Default

    What did you do in the second week?

  3. #33
    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    Location
    Parkside - South Australia
    Age
    46
    Posts
    479

    Default

    When I was a younger we had meat loaf for dinner. After we had finished I say a little blob of what I thought was meat loaf on the bench. I ate it as quick as a flash only to find out a few moments later that it was cat food.
    Now proudly sponsored by Binford Tools. Be sure to check out the Binford 6100 - available now at any good tool retailer.

  4. #34
    Join Date
    Jul 2000
    Location
    Drop Bear Capital of Gippsland (Lang Lang) Vic Australia
    Age
    74
    Posts
    2,238

    Default

    Adding bleach at the end of a long cooked curry doesn't tatse as good as vinegar.
    Which is why I never buy 'no name' products that share same bottles, bloody SWMBO.
    However, the pizza that night was good.
    Stupidity kills. Absolute stupidity kills absolutely.

  5. #35
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Location
    kyogle N.S.W
    Age
    50
    Posts
    0

    Default

    I push on doors that say pull......and pull on doors that say push a lot.

  6. #36
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Location
    Craggy Island
    Posts
    27

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by silentC View Post
    Well that'll serve you right for owning (or even admitting to owning) an aftershave balm

    Balm is one of those words that if you say it over and over it starts to sound like a nonsense word. Balm balm balm balm balm. See, what a silly word it is
    Say it really fast and it gets even sillier.
    It's addictive...but I know you'll all do it anyway.
    There's a boat inside me trying to get out.
    Was it something I ate?

  7. #37
    Join Date
    Jul 2003
    Location
    Gorokan Central Coast NSW
    Age
    80
    Posts
    941

    Default

    Went to watch my grandson play cricket this morning and at the first good shot I started to clap.........completely forgetting that I had both carpal tunnels operated on a week ago.

  8. #38
    Join Date
    Jan 2003
    Location
    Osaka
    Posts
    346

    Default

    I was making coffee one morning at work...obviously needed it...we had the little UHT milks they put in the rooms. So anyways, I put the sugar and coffee in the cup, then open the UHT (actually it was 2 of them) and proceed to pour BOTH (as in one after the other) directly into the bin and I throw the empty containers in afterwards...

    I am not, repeat NOT, a morning person!
    Semtex fixes all

  9. #39
    Join Date
    Jan 2003
    Location
    Osaka
    Posts
    346

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by apricotripper View Post
    I push on doors that say pull......and pull on doors that say push a lot.
    I find it takes me around 15 minutes to get through a door that says pull...
    Semtex fixes all

  10. #40
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Canberra
    Age
    54
    Posts
    265

    Default

    As a chef I have seen some doozies and unfortunately had two happen to me.

    First one I had served a freshly cooked Sticky Date Pudding (made from a long departed relatives recipe) with my own Butterscotch Sauce, again a fresh batch had been made. It looked pretty nice on the plate and to finish it off I thought some icing sugar might do nicely .... and out it goes only to be returned in a few minutes complaining that it tasted aweful and maybe I should make a new batch. I was rather dark as it is one of my signature dishes. So I taste it, then throw it quietly in the bin and hurriedly serve another piece and send out. this time without the icing sugar or should i say bi-carb soda that had mistakenly been put in the shaker. Man that tasted disgusting.

    The second time we were serving a function (50th b'day I think from memory) it was an easy one 200 people. Two entrees, two mains and two desserts all served alternatively so no hassles nice and easy .... you would think. Cannot remember the entrees or the desserts but the mains were Roasted Lamb Rump with cranberry Glaze and accompaniments or North Qld Baby Barramundi grilled, served with lemon butter and accompaniments. I served about a dozen and had a return on the fish. It was still in the plastic wrap that they are packed in. The apprentice had missed it in the preparation phase. The one saving grace that it was one of the owners friends that got it and the worst part about it was that it was one of the owners friends that got it.

    That week I had some very fast talking to do to the big kahuna. He ended up laughing about it after he had got some distance out of my predicament.

    Pete
    If you are never in over your head how do you know how tall you are?

  11. #41
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Location
    Wandong
    Age
    61
    Posts
    0

    Default

    Had a friend over a while ago and offered her coffee... I thought I'd pass on the coffee and indulge in a scotch & coke instead.

    (yaking and listening all the time)

    Boil the water, coffee in the cup, sugar... out with the scotch and into the glass.

    (yak, yak, yak... listen, listen, listen)

    Off I go to the fridge and get the milk and coke...

    (yak, yak, yak, listen, listen, listen)

    Naturally, the milk goes in with the scotch, doesn't it?
    Because that's where I put it

    (yak, yak, yak......... silence)

  12. #42
    rrich Guest

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Malibu View Post
    Naturally, the milk goes in with the scotch, doesn't it?
    Because that's where I put it
    In my youth, a doctor advised me to mix my scotch with milk due to an ulcer.

    It ain't that bad.

  13. #43
    Join Date
    Jun 1999
    Location
    Westleigh, Sydney
    Age
    78
    Posts
    1,332

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by rrich View Post
    In my youth, a doctor advised me to mix my scotch with milk due to an ulcer.

    It ain't that bad.
    I didn't realise straight milk was bad for an ulcer.
    Visit my website
    Website
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  14. #44
    Join Date
    Jul 2003
    Location
    Near Bodgy, AlexS, Wongo & CraigB
    Age
    19
    Posts
    744

    Default

    once when a mere whipper snapper..

    chinese resaurtaunt,

    bloke next to me orders the hottest chilli,

    I think its sweet & sour. scoop it onto me prawn (*****BIG DOB****)

    throw up in the bathroom fo the next 30 mins with exploding mouth.

    what a wanka...!!
    Zed

  15. #45
    Join Date
    Oct 2004
    Location
    East Doncaster, Vic
    Age
    70
    Posts
    0

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by imdusty View Post
    My friend's Dad found out the preparation H looks like toothpaste when you wake up hung over.
    Yeah yeah I know. Now he's got receding gums and a ring of confidence.

    Boom Boom

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