Domestic Violence

[Gingermick]

Gingermick, Did I not read your post correctly? Was it not your SWMBO who physically attacked the next door

He was grabbing and pushing gently so she slapped him gently. And the house was also his wife's and she wanted her to stay. This bloke has hit his wife and choked her till she passed out.

So someone belts your wife, mum, sister or girlfriend and you sit back and do nothing. Fair enough if thats what you would do. Not me.

She grabbed me and screamed that she would never forgive me if I went over there. That's one of the reasons this is so bloody stressful. I can not act.

[johnc]

Mick,

I think your wife is right, using aggression against aggression just escalates the problem. This bloke sounds as if he needs help in the form of anger management and there are services who can help, but only if he wants help. Sometimes the push comes from a partner leaving, court intervention, the violence getting to the point even the aggressor has a problem with it, even a relative or friend who finally gets through. Counselling also works for the victim in identifying signs, and minimising risk, which does not imply fault I might add.

It wouldn't stop me telling him he was an idiot who needs help, pushing around women is for cowards, and this time/next time the police will be involved.

But don't threaten action unless you are going to deliver, if you threaten the cops then make sure you are ready to get on the blower and be prepared for what you need to say.

Goodluck, it sounds like an awful situation for all concerned.

John.

[lesmeyer]

Remember,
violence begets violence.
If anyone ever assaults my family, I will thrash the living daylights out of 'em.
Calmly yours
Les

[Gingermick]

But don't threaten action unless you are going to deliver, if you threaten the cops then make sure you are ready to get on the blower and be prepared for what you need to say.

Goodluck, it sounds like an awful situation for all concerned.

John.

Statement has been made.
He does have a major problem with anger. SWMBO was trying to get him to react that way and that maybe it would cause him to think about it, but he didn't and went way overboard. Time to let the law deal with it.

[ozwinner]

I just had a look at the chart that Gingermick put up, I think someone needs to do a refresher course on maths.

Al

[reeves]

sorry i didnt vote a bit too ambiguos for me, not specific enough.

In general I definaltey dont think its ok to hit or manhandle a women but if the woman is a junkie coming at you with a knife or hammer you might not have much choice.

If its a bloke well only if they are coming at ya first, if its a child abuser who hurts kids or a nutter whose learing at your wife, getting in first might be a good idea.

So in general only use force as a last resort or means of protection or in the case of child abusers/pedophiles a means of introduction.

;-)

[Harry72]

I agree with Les And Lig, I know its not good but at the end of the day most of these type's that Mick is dealing with would not stop because they got a slap on the wrist from the law(99% of cases). If they know they'll cop a hidding from others they will have second thoughts... seen it happen several times.

[Zed]

move. lose the neighbour.

you're wife is a goose for hanging out with them.

if someone bashed my wife he'd be missing teeth.

your poll doesnt have enough options such as "its ok to defend yourself and or your family"

[Lignum]

I agree with Les And Lig, .

Fair enough to agree with me. But Les had his tounge firmly in his cheek because of the " violence begets violence" reference.

[Gingermick]

move. lose the neighbour

No way are we gonna move. We got in just before the housing market exploded. Financial craziness.

you're wife is a goose for hanging out with them

She is a goose, there have been many incidents and reasons to stay away, but my kids love their kids so she also ends up there with them.

if someone bashed my wife he'd be missing teeth.

I had planned much more than that

your poll doesnt have enough options such as "its ok to defend yourself and or your family"

I thought that would be a given.
Thanks for your input.

[lesmeyer]

Fair enough to agree with me. But Les had his tounge firmly in his cheek because of the " violence begets violence" reference.

Lig,
you are very much awake. My statement actually is a double edged sword.
I will not hesitate to use physical force to protect my family, but I will never instigate violence.
I am sick of hearing the do-gooders telling everyone to not retaliate with force, and they then quote the "violence begets violence" thing. Think about it. It means that the person who first became violent should have been told before he/she became violent. However we know that for the most part of such cases, the perpetrator usually has a history of violence.
And so one could go on...
Les

[thetassiebfg]

Two Quotes from Gandhi

"I object to violence because when it appears to do good, the good is only temporary; the evil it does is permanent."

"It is better to be violent, if there is violence in our hearts, than to put on the cloak of nonviolence to cover impotence."


It's a hard call but my view is that violence is never the answer whatever the situation.. However defence is different but when you go past the point of reasonable force then you have become the problem you were attempting to resolve.

Fear does not equal respect


TheTassieBFG

[Harry72]

Fair enough to agree with me. But Les had his tounge firmly in his cheek because of the " violence begets violence" reference.

I was actualy refering to his second coment " If anyone ever assaults my family, I will thrash the living daylights out of 'em."

[Gingermick]

I just had a look at the chart that Gingermick put up, I think someone needs to do a refresher course on maths.

Al

Wasn;t sure about the referencing requirements and only looked at the top section, (re breakfast debate tother day) But they do get 6.2 and 1.6 to add up to 7.1, and you have to understand, in this era of subatomic particle dominance, time, and consequently mathematics, have developed an ability to make the absurd reasonable and vice versa

[Clinton1]

Mick,
I was not critiscising you.... you are to be admired for taking the calmer path.

Me, I have a remarkable tendancy to stuff things up... so I'm sure that I would reacted in a manner that would not have helped.

If your initial reaction was to go over and hand out some pain, then its a natural reaction for a lot of people, and I'm sure that holding back turned your stomache over and is probably still causing stress.
Hot heads usually prevail... and often resolve nothing at all.

The way I see it.... its probably better to sort it out 'calmly', however much that sucks, and then address the seperate issue of 'is it worth it to expose our children to this idiocity just for having play friends', i.e. what are your children learning from this idiot.

The side issue of him getting a slap on the wrist or not.... not really relevant if you are in the lock-up or facing a charge.

I know it is difficult to have to to be the 'stronger and wiser' person.

At the end of the day... its something to sort out, and I'm sure you wish it wasn't in your life at all.
Good luck with it all.