The joys of ageing

[Timless Timber]

Don't get me started on the whole drivers license eyesight renewal thingy.

So I have been blind since about age 21 - when I discovered I was myopic (short sighted). Always worn glasses ever since.

One day at a test for skippers quals - the lady eyesight tested me with and without glasses and said - you will have to wear your specs when driving the boat with paying passengers etc, coz my unaided vision was crap.

No worries I think....I can do that - my glasses tint to dark so I always wear them anyway to handle the glare out on the water.

Next time my car drivers license comes back, it has "must wear suitable visual aids when driving" endorsed on the back!.

No biggee I guess, the dept marine safety is part of the same depot transport who do drivers licenses etc - so the info must have got across on the computer records somehow...

So for 20 or more years, that's how it goes..."must wear suitable visual aids" endorsed on the license (and skippers ticket) so that's what I do.

Then I upgraded my skippers from near shore (15 miles) or "coxswains" - to full blown offshore Master 5, and then comes the whole glasses thing.

You must have 20/20 unaided vision for Master 5... and I am myopic / short sighted - despite passing everything else (exams and commercial sea time requirements), I don't qualify!

So screw that, off i go to the ophthalmic surgeon, and get laser eye surgery... over $6K worth - and BINGO BANGO BONGO, I can fricken see again!

So I get the Ophthalmic guy to send the eye chart thingy off to marine safety section of Dept Transport, and I am good to go with Master 5 now, as I have 20/20 unaided vision!

Then my drivers license renewal shows up - still endorsed "must wear suitable visual aids".

So back to the quack & do another eye test - and send the medical form with 20/20 vision - signed by the doc...

Next years renewal? "must wear suitable visual aids".

Try one more time - this time my quack says - oops - your type 2 diabetic - and your 3 month Blood sugar levels are 0.1 outside the new national standards.... so you can't get your commercial drivers licenses (truck bus etc) renewed...AND it's LAW that doc patient privielege no longer applies - the Doc MUST send the form to transport saying - your blood sugar levels are not under "adequate" control!

So then he sends me off to see a endocrinologist specialist, who says -'what a load of bullshenyser' or words to that effect.... and signs a form saying I am perfectly fine to drive commercial vehicles... and prescribed yet another handful of pills to take very night.

Onb the form he sends back to dept Transport - he also fills in now for the 3rd time that IO have 20/20 unaided vision after laster eye surgery and please remove the "must wear suitable visual aids" endorsement from my drivers license!.

So my new drivers license comes back - endorsed to still drive commercial trucks and busses etc as long as I keep taking diabetes meds...

BUT - whats on the back? "Must wear suitable visual aids!".

For frick's sake how many times do you have to tell these doults! I have 20 / 20 unaided vision now!

So what happens the other night.... bout midnight - is wet dark late and raining so I come down the highway at less than the posted 100kph - because I am being cautious... and i went on a section I don't normally travel, and unbeknown to me - they have marked it down to 80kph and I missed it in the dark, so I get a bright orange multinova flash for being 5-10km over!

Then to top it off...the fine arrives... with the photo of me driving - not wearing glasses (coz I don't need them any more...which I have now told them 3 times on the official medical form), and there's a fine for "not wearing suitable visual aids" on top of the speeding fine!

I either hav to go to battlenow with the peopns in transport about why they screwed up my renewals 3 times now, but that's won't fly with Police who are a separate department - coz they want their fine dollars = so the only way OUT of it is to lie and tell them I was wearing contact lenses at the time & was thus "wearing suitable visual aids".

Our whole system is screwed, it's at the point of collapse! The peons running it are inept fools.

So - who pushed my buttons today about getting old and the Dept Transport?

The endocrinologists recommendation to me? "Lie thru your back teeth and tel the batsurds nothing about your health - answer no to all questions about your health coz once they have you in their computer data base there's no getting off of it - ever, so better not to ever allow yourself onto it in the first place, by volunteering any health info willingly.

Bloody good advice, now that I think about it in retrospect!

Cheers.

[Bushmiller]

Good post Timless, but clearly awfully, bloody, f*****g frustrating for you too.

I suppose none of ever imagine we will actually become old, even if our age does increase. Myself, I'm in denial and try to avoid probing questions about my age. I have taken to sheepishly informing curious people that I am close to sixty, but I don't know how long I can do that without the inevitable looks that say "Poor bas*ard; Must have had a hard life."

I do know that as you age the invulnerability of youth diminishes at an exponential rate. Apparently until about age twenty five the male thinks he is bullet proof, which probably goes a long way to explaining all those young men who signed up voluntarily for the two world wars.

As we age we really have to take more care as we just do not repair and heal as well as we once did. For example I built a house as I was approaching early middle age and during the course of it's construction I slipped off the roof twice. I was fairly agile at that time and there was no more damage done than a little bark removed from my arms (from the heads of the roofing screws) and a severely damaged pride. In fact I had some mates present on one of those occasions and they pointed out that if I didn't get back on the roof right sharpish and pull my weight they were going home .

Just recently I had to get up on the same roof again to help the electrician with relocation of the power supply. I became acutely aware of how I might not survive another slide off the roof and built a timber "hook" to keep me up on the roof. Despite being bionic, I'm not confident the titanium and ceramics would hold together the way the OE did.

Just returning to Ern's original post and the weight issue it is normal to, how shall I put this, "thicken" as we get older. One cause of this is that as we slow down we should eat less, but we don't. Poor diet and other factors compound this problem. People who know me probably think of me as slim, but I look at myself and think "holy ####" I have to do something about this.

SWMBO seems to think I'm better to cuddle nowadays. I guess it's all relative .

Regards
Paul

[rsser]

TT, thanks for the post. I wept and laughed at the same time.

Bleeding idiots.

FWIW I went grey early, and got offended at chemists and other shops when asked 'Senior's Card'?

Bushmiller, my roof is waiting for some work and I've never been bitten by your kind of fall but know that my reaction times and 'bounce back' aren't really good enough any more. At the same time I'll hate having to pay someone to do it when I would've if I could've

[jimbur]

We have an electrician shaped dent in our veranda roof. We were the last job he'd did before he called it a day. No damage to him but I think he was relieved when the job was over.

[Bushmiller]

We have an electrician shaped dent in our veranda roof. We were the last job he'd did before he called it a day. No damage to him but I think he was relieved when the job was over.

Jim

Sounds like he went out with a bang .

Regards
Paul

[artme]

With age comes wisdom. I wish!!!!

I fell off a roof when a little younger. I no longer attend to roof problems. Wisdom.

I ran my right hand through the table saw late last year. Lack of wisdom.

I was bitten by an angry carpet snake last year. Lack of wisdom.

I (we ) lent a trusted friend 9g 5 years ago. Now In court. Getting wiser financially.

I could go on but I think you get the point!

[Chris Parks]

Loved Ronnie Corbett's comment about getting old: when he got down to tie his shoelaces he asked himself what else he could do while he was down there.

chambezio: read up on BMI. It's an indicator dreamt up by actuaries. Not to say it's not relevant but it needs interpreting.

And the index magically changes the day you turn 65!!

[AlexS]

I was bitten by an angry carpet last year.

Well, I've heard of carpet burns, but never carpet bites.

[artme]

Well, I've heard of carpet burns, but never carpet bites.

Fixt!!!!

[Bushmiller]

I received an email this morning on Bob Hope. I thought some of his quotes might be appropriate to Ern's OP.

ON TURNING 70
'I still chase women, but only
Downhill.

ON TURNING 80
'That's the time of your life when even your birthday suit needs pressing.'

ON TURNING 90
'You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.'

ON TURNING 100
'I don't feel old. In fact,I don't feel
Anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.'


Something to look forward to .

Regards
Paul

[hughie]

I am finding that as I get older I am getting taller, either that or the ground seems further away.
Jim

I have also noticed that there's more gravity around than when I was younger. just don't understand it

Also there's some sort of conspiracy going, everybody around me is talking in whispers

[jimbur]

I have also noticed that there's more gravity around than when I was younger. just don't understand it Also there's some sort of conspiracy going, everybody around me is talking in whispers

Not only is there more gravity but it keeps moving from side to side.

[rsser]

Thanks guys. Some good belly laughs here; I feel better now to quote a phrase.

hughie I'd send you up my hearing aids for a try out, if I could remember where I put them.

On the other hand selective hearing can be an advantage but to manage it convincingly you have to be on the ball.

[artme]

Ern, that reminds of one of the "Ned and his Neddy" cartoons from the sixties.

Two blokes standing in the bar with one obviously rabitting on, the other with
a bored look on his face.

Two others a bit further along, one saying to the other"By cripes Bert's a rude old
bugger. He's been standing there listening to that bloke for hours - with his hearing aids turned off".

[557]

Now that myself and most of my friends are in our mid 50s,I have started to notice that none of us seem to be able to get up out of a chair without going oooh eeeeh aaah.
The old bones aint what they used to be.