A dog named Woodturner

[lyctus]

Apologies to all if this has already been related, but it is possibly my favourite wood joke.
It is a wet,cold windy day in a lonely outback town as a mud spattered ute rolls up to the pub and a weary looking roustabout climbs out and heads into the bar for a welcome beer.He fronts the bar, orders a beer and then takes a moment to look around. A roaring log fire is burning in the fireplace giving a warmth to the deserted bar room. As he continues his survey he is astounded to see a fairly mange looking dog laying flat out on the bar at the end of the room. As the barman swings his beer onto the counter the bloke comments about the appropriateness of a dog, and a pretty ordinary looking one at that, laying on the bar. "No ordinary dog that one mate " says the barkeep. "We call him Woodturner." "Why's that?" says the drinker. "Look mate, says the barman, go and grab a log from beside the fire and throw it on the floor" So our mate does as instructed and the barman barks an order to the dog at which he instantly wakes from his reverie and leaps off the bar and pounces on the log lying on the floor. In a flurry of chips and bark the dog goes to town on the log and in no time at all steps back from what is now a beautifully fashioned newell.
"Pretty impressive ,eh ?" asks the barman to the by now bemused drinker.
"Oh. I dunno" replies the drinker, "I've got a similar sort of dog meself out in the ute. Only I call him Metalworker. In fact, if you'd like to put the poker beside the fire there into the fire place and get it hot, I'll go and get me dog and show you what he can do"
The barman looks sceptically at the bloke but moves over to the fireplace and duly shoves the poker deep into the glowing coals of the large log presently burning and the man goes outside to his vehicle. He returns directly with a wet dishevelled looking mongrel of a dog, shivering a bit from his exposure to the rain and wind and directs him to stand in the middle of the room.
"How's the poker going?" asks the drinker. "It's near red hot" replies the barman. "Good" says the drinker. "Hand it to me"
As the barman hands the drinker the red hot poker the fella lifts up the poor dogs tail high into the air and positions the metal rod for a plunge into the poor dog's fundamental orrifice. The barman shouts in horror "Hey mate, waddyagunnado ??"
"Well replies the bloke, I'm gunna shove the poker up the dogs a#s#"
"Why ya gunna do that for?" gasps the shaken barman.
"Because the dog's a metal worker" says the drinker.
"Yair, but what does he do when you poke him with the red hot rod" asks the barman.
"Well" drawls the drinker, "He either makes a bolt for the door, or a sping for your throat" says the drifter.

[qyn]

Without being too "anal" I gotta say if this is your best joke I'd regret hearing your worst.

I guess this stems from seeing too many "bloke's" dogs chained to the ute in all weather while the owner gets ****** in the pub So sticking a poker up it's **** does not seem too funny to me. Sorry, if this is a controversial response but it just struck a chord. Just ignore me - afterall it's my first post.

[johnmc]

gotta agree with qyn - not funny, just distasteful.

[silentC]

Tough crowd, lyctus.

[journeyman Mick]

Gyn,
while this is not one of the better jokes I've read here, it's not the worst either and Like all jokes it shouldn't be taken seriously . Just in regard to dogs on backs of utes, I had a bluey who lived on the back of my ute. He preferred lying on the back of the ute in the rain to being on his bed on the verandah - it's a "dog" thing. Especially for male dogs, it's their mobile territory and gives them a great sense of power. Mine would bark a bit when people came to the gate but he would be absolutely ferocious if anyone approached the ute, he bit people on lots of occasions, hence the chains so that they only bite people that are trying to knock something off of the back of the ute. My favourite practical joke was to get him to jump up on someone else's ute where he would bail the owner up and not let them into their own vehicle I built a canopy for the ute, partly to keep the insides of the toolboxes dry when I opened them in the rain, but mostly to shelter my mate. While there are a few mongrels around that mistreat their dogs the majority of people, even the swaggering macho types, are pretty soft on their dogs.

Mick

[qyn]

No problems with dogs and utes - only thoughtless owners. I've heard the joke before and laughed just not this version. As I said, it just struck the wrong chord and now I've said me bit I'll leave it alone. G'day all, BTW.