So what's all this about, then?

[Driver]

At this point, Pugwash leapt to his feet (it wasn't much of a leap because he was remarkably short in the leg - well - both legs, actually) and said

"I've remained silent long enough! But this is too much! It's about time someone spoke out against all this disgraceful ...."

[Caliban]

pronunciation...

[Driver]

"Whit do you moon?" said Crabtree. "Er you employing thit someoone has a pribloom with proneencing their woads? I cannoot imoogen who you moon!""

[ernknot]

"Someone has been sneaking the cyberbong refills me thinks" said the captain. ( By the way who is the bloody captain at this time???) The crew responded to the cyberbong remark " Os smooking dupe?? he he he, u mist be yoking! " This made the captain reply.......

[ozwinner]

What do you moon ( By the way who is the bloody captain at this time???)
The Captoon is the Captoon, you awfool leettle peersoon.

[Christopha]

.... especially one with such beautifully carved gronicles....

[Driver]

.. at the mention of gronicles, Michelle suddenly sat up, adjusted the belt of her trenchcoat and, in her sexiest voice, said to Crabtree

"Groneecles? Carved groneecles? I deed not kner that you 'ad carved groneecles, Mon Capitain! Eef I 'ad knern zees sooner, I would 'ave paid more attention!"

Crabtree was a little startled by this. He said

"Ai'm a lootle steetled by thos, Marchelle!"

However, nothing daunted, he ...

[Caliban]

took out his wooden...

[Grunt]

dictionary and looked up the proper pronuciation of the words he was saying.

Miraculously ...

[ernknot]

he couln't find any words at all. " What the........................?"

[Caliban]

it was at about this time that captain beaut walked in with the evil giant under his arm and said
"crabtree, you silly Englishman, get out of my story. As captain of this ship, I'm taking control back from you. And since I'm the captain of this ship I've got the giant persuaded to axe any of your silly posts from now on."
The crew were ecstatic and ran off to roger the cabin boy as a celebration of this reverse mutiny.
Crabtree dejectedly made his exit through the hole in the fabric of the universe and sewed it up from the other side, put a coat of shellawax over it and no one could even see it anymore.
So...

[vsquizz]

at this the motley crue burst into song.."don't you ever let a chance go by oh Lord" was heard ringing out into the night air for some time, followed by the occaisional "hic" and "has anybody seen me sparkplug"Early next morning as the crescent moon rose above the glistening sea....

[Driver]

... the crew became aware of an unfamiliar figure pacing to and fro on the quarterdeck. He was dressed in a belted trenchcoat and sported a porkpie hat and a heavy moustache.

They couldn't quite make out his identity but there was something uncomfortably familiar about his silhouette against the rising sun, something distinctly French, something unaccountably slightly awkward. It couldn't be Crabtree, surely? He had (very unfairly in the opinion of the present writer) been pushed out of the plot and into another universe. No, it wasn't Crabtree, so who the hell was it?

The figure spun round on one heel, sniffed and said

"Good merning! I 'ave some questions for you all. Wheech one of you placed a berm (" A what?" they all cried. "A berm! Do you theenk I am a ferl?") in the rerm of the captain of thees vessel?"

"A berm?" they repeated. "In the captain's rerm? What is he talking about?"

Even as the words were leaving their lips, comprehension dawned upon them. Crabtree might have been disappeared (by foul means in the opinion of the present writer - who is certain that, plot lines hereabouts being what they normally are, there is plenty of scope for his ultimate return). Crabtree might, they realised, have been disappeared but he had unquestionably been replaced by none other than the scourge of diamond thieves, the scion of the Surete, the incomparable Inspecteur Clouseau!

As realisation dawned, a small oriental shape emerged from behind the masthead. Uttering an imcomprehensible oriental oath, he leapt forward, hands poised in an unmistakable karate strike, and fell upon ...

[vsquizz]

a bomb {berm}. " you ferl, yu could have been kilt" screamed Clouseau. The small oriental gentlemen looked up from his poised phrase and said "a berm, what type of berm is it Inspector?". "Why it is the exploding type you fool" yelled Clouseau who was close to Hysteria but Hysteria being a rather posh girl thought the inspector had rather bad breath.

Clouseau contiued, "don't make one twitch of your....

[Driver]

... of your trembleur or eet will go off!"

"My trembler?" said Cato.

"The berm, you ferl, the berm!"

Clouseau was so incensed by the obtuseness of his manservant's response that he gesticulated wildly. His hand, tensed into the deadly shape of a karate strike, made disastrous connection with ...